This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters portrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned. No copyright infringement on the original work is intended.  Copyright Diana Walker 2005.

Saturday, September 3^rd

REAGAN

Maximus had insisted that Dee and I take Saturday morning off from party preparations to go riding. He gently reminded me that I still had much to learn and only regular lessons would help. He also reassured me that my lack of expertise would never result in his leaving me at home, even should he be forced to strap me to his saddle like a sack of potatoes when he and Dee went on trail rides.

That gentle reminder and the fact that he and Dino would be home to accept the tables, chairs, portable bar, and tent deliveries got me out of the house. They had the map of where everything was to go, and they both had proven, excellent map reading skills.

It was perhaps the worst I had ever ridden; I could not concentrate. I had already learned that when you are on a horse, the only thought you can have is one that influences the horse. How many times have Alice and Dee told me that? More than I can recall. Today, the school horse, Lefty, was influencing me. At least Lefty knew what he was doing.

I was making my debut as TEO's hostess, and I was more than slightly apprehensive. I wanted Maximus to be proud of me. I know Terry and Dino will look to him – spell that b-l-a-m-e – if I screw this up. In truth, I wasn't doing this for TEO ...I was doing it for Maximus, as a favor for the man I loved. I had been suddenly elevated to the post of ‘the General's Lady’, and, by damn, I was going to do this right. I’m good at entertaining Cabinet level secretaries and have done so in my home on numerous occasions. I’m great at entertaining generals and members of the Joint Chiefs …done that in my home as well. I can likely work an academic/medical/psychological/military crowd better than anyone you’ve ever seen. So, why was I worried? Easy. I’m experienced at the aforementioned crowds, but I knew flat, damned nothing about risk management and actuarials. Thank God, Dee has experience in that world, but, from what she had told me, the actuarial she knows well is not normal. Oops! No, she said I can’t use the term normal where actuarials are concerned but to substitute average. I was thinking more along the lines of the guy being outside the latitude of acceptance, my discipline's equivalent term. The sum of my experience with that crowd was in purchasing life insurance on myself so that when I died, I wouldn’t be buried in Potters’ Field. Frankly, I thought all insurance types – with the exception of Maximus, Terry and Dino – were about the most boring people on the planet. And, to adapt a line from that 1960's movie Valley of the Dolls, I was expected to spend an afternoon and evening with them and “Sparkle, Reagan, sparkle!”

Dee's nerves were not much better; after all she was about to meet Maximus’ elusive and, to her, unknown partners. She and Maximus were making significant strides in their relationship, and this was almost as important to her as to me. He was her friend now, and she didn't want to let him down any more than I did, though our motivations for making him proud of us were vastly different. My primary disquiet where she was concerned was the after party discussion, and, of course, that added to my anxiety. I was only hoping that she could hold it together well enough during the party actually to get to 'the conversation.'

Monday would be a long day and longer night. Whatever happened at the party itself, I knew that Maximus, Terry, Dino, Dee and I would have a long night ahead of us after everyone had gone. 

 

*

Jack, Dee's competition horse, takes such good care of her. Like every other Saturday, she was working on her own so she had the luxury of calling it quits as soon as they did something right. I, on the other hand, was in a lesson. I struggled through 45 minutes of missing lead changes, posting on the wrong diagonal, and having hard hands before Alice called, “Get a nice walk going and then quit,” while Dee had gotten a nice warm up and had called it good long before. She worked on nothing! Essentially, she and Jack had a nice quiet trail ride, sightseeing in the ten-acre paddock.

I got the words out at the barn before Dee could say anything about how badly I had ridden; a good defense is a good offense. Oh, Jack Aubrey would be proud of that mangled metaphor. “You were having a bit of a tough time out there.”

“I hadn't planned on working hard today. Every muscle in my body is tight – not conducive to productive riding. You looked like you would rather be anywhere but in a lesson today. Not that you don't have every right to that feeling but poor Lefty.” Dee was giving Lefty (so named because he picks up his left lead canter much easier than his right), the forgiving, kind school horse who had been my teacher-cum-victim that day, the kind of massage men around the world pay big money for. Lefty deserved every kind thing that happened for him today after having to endure my unskilled efforts. She looked over at me as she continued Lefty’s massage.

“Are you as nervous about tomorrow as you seem? That is so unlike you.” Dee had handed over massage duties to one of Lefty's groupies (he is a beloved horse) and was now leaning against the tree where Jack was munching grass contentedly, drying after his bath. The other women in my lesson were chiming in with observations as well during the organized chaos that is a barn at lesson change time. To put it mildly, this party had been the talk of the barn for weeks and interest was particularly high today.

“You mean my debut as the doyenne of TEO society? The only thing that is keeping me on track is that you will be there.”

“Yep, as roast mistress and serving wench. Want me to be sure to keep the pit hot so you can throw yourself in if it is not going well?”

“Don't tempt me.”

“Maybe I ought to keep it hot so you can throw the Neanderthal partners in. Or I can. I am far more sensitive than you, and if BOTH of them managed to offend you, they are bound to skewer me. While I am looking forward to meeting them, part of me dreads it.”

“I completely understand that, but they really are good guys. Who knows, you might end up falling in love with one of them.”

“Right.” Dee's sarcasm dripped from every letter. “Like anything could come of it. One is a womanizer, and the other is every woman's dream lover. Fat chance.”

Her voice turned deadly serious. “Be sure to tell Max not to touch the charcoal until I get over there tomorrow. He may start excavating the pit, but, under no circumstances, is he to start the charcoal. There is not another bag of charcoal to be had in Dallas County; if we run out, the guests will have to eat raw meat. Speaking of raw meat, I have a date with the butcher to pick up our 75 pounds of brisket. Now Billy is the man I should be trying to fall in love with. You met Max in the Produce Department; I fall in love with a butcher. Sounds about right.” We laughed at that one …we both had a history of meeting men in unusual circumstances.

“Call me if you need me today,” she shouted over her shoulder leading Jack to his five-acre paddock where he was turned out with three lovely mares who adore him. It's a pity he's a gelding. 

 

*

Conditions around my home were far from peaceful when I arrived after my lesson. The tent guys had put the tent over where the pit had been dug in years past; therefore, the table and chairs had all been placed on top of the pit. We would be moving furniture all night. At least the portable bar was in the right place. Unfortunately, finding the tent in the wrong place after having provided Maximus and Dino with an excruciatingly detailed map got on my last nerve. They tried to placate me …wrong time, wrong place, and I blew. I think that was the first time Maximus saw me lose my temper.

“Of course the tent guys had an easier time putting the stakes in there. That’s where the pit has been dug ever since I built this house and moved in here. The ground has been dug up three times a summer for five fucking years.”

I stopped to take a breath and turned to face the two slackers squarely. “Are you two planning on bringing in a back hoe to dig this new pit? Because I guaran-damn-tee that will be the only way you will be able to get a new pit dug as dry as the weather has been. If either of you have the brains God gave a fucking milk cow, you’ll call the tent guys and get them back out here to relocate the fucking tent to where Dee and I fucking told you it was to be in the first place! Don't even think about doing it yourselves! The fucking insurance coverage on the damned tent is null and void unless the fucking tent guys relocate it. So unless TE-fucking-O has deeper pockets than I think, you’ll call the tent guys and get them the fuck back out here to preserve your precious financial liquidity rather than voiding the fucking contract by doing it yourselves! How did I ever get involved with such idiots?” I truly was not shrieking on the outside, but it was through a very large dose of self-control. On second thought, maybe I was shrieking.

Dino infuriated me more by trying too hard to hide his smirk. “Reags, Honey, Max and I will move the furniture and the tent so we can use the original pit. I think between us, we’ve got enough muscle to drive the stakes deep enough over there,” he pointed to the northern end of the property, “to keep it from collapsing on the guests. Why don’t you go inside and bring us back a couple of beers while we get to work?” He was so bloody nonchalant that I wanted to slap him. Maximus – to his credit – said nothing, turning instead and beginning to collapse the folding chairs preparatory to moving them to their new location. I stalked back to the house, returned with the requested libations, and went back inside to seethe a bit more. At least the dogs appeared to have some sense today and were smart enough not to fawn over me. As I strode away from the men, I heard Dino’s attempt at soto voce, as he spoke to Maximus.

“Is she always this charming and delightful?” Maximus shushed him; he was busily dialing his cell phone.

MAXIMUS

Dino watched my ‘lady‘ as she returned to the house then turned to collapsing chairs. Forty-five minutes and approximately 100 chairs later, we had accomplished that part of the relocation and directed our attention to the tables. Ten round dinner tables and two long ones for holding food and drink were collapsed and moved to the location of the chairs.

Fortunately, the “tent guys” arrived shortly after we had moved the tables and chairs to a more propitious location. Dino and I were both anxious to spur them on in their efforts to relocate the tent, as they were now on overtime above and beyond the additional $250 it was costing TEO to have them return. Dino was well aware of our financial situation after having just closed the books at year’s end. While it had been a financially rewarding year, I was looking forward to the year-end bonus we had allotted ourselves and wanted to minimize the impact of this celebration on those bonuses. I cannot speak for my partners, but I had plans for the bonus I was due this year.

I have at last found one thing in this life that is precisely as it was in my first. Ditch digging is a process that has not changed in 2,000 years. Bringing down the tent was a bit more challenging, as the workers were now fatigued and even permitted Dino and me to assist them. I had more experience in that task than did Dino. I did work my way up through the ranks and, as a very young man, had erected and disassembled more than my share of tents for visits by commanding generals and, of course, Caesar.

Cassandra made another trip from the house, this time with a cooler full of beer and that abominable concoction known as Gator Aid, and left us to our work. Dino watched as she returned to the house.

“Well, she doesn’t seem quite as pissed as she was before. Guess you and I should have paid more attention to the map she gave us when the guys were here setting up things.” I nodded; we had certainly managed to assure that we would be earning our way back into her good graces. Personally and, as I had already experienced Diana’s annoyance, I was thankful that she was not here; with their combined tempers, I doubt Dino and I would have gotten off as lightly as we had managed with only Cassandra present. I can cope with unhappy women but prefer dealing with them one at time.

Sunday, September 4^th

DINO

The drive out to Max and Reags' in BFE was much more satisfying today than my two earlier treks out there. The first one I had been riding shotgun in Terry's Jag, hoping against hope to keep Max from gutting the firm; of course my badly beaten and aching body had felt every pothole in every road we had driven. Pothole? What am I talking about? I felt every grain of sand on the pavement. Terry had done his best to give me a smooth ride, but I don't think there was a spot on my body Max hadn't punished. The second, the night I had the sodden “dinner” with Reags, let's just say Dallas is like any other major city in its traffic problems.

Today I actually got Baby up to 90 on the last good stretch of interstate before the turn off to their house. That was right before the state trooper stopped me. The officer was quite kind in his warning.

“Sir, I can give you the name of nice track where that speed would be more appropriate. I take my ‘Vette there to blow the carbon out of the valves.”

I thanked him and took the business card he offered me while thinking, 'Me, in a car club? I don't think so.' My better sense prevailed, and I kept my mouth shut. Good thing, too …turned out he lives across the street from Reags, and she’d invited him and his family to join us. Well, hell. I guess it never hurts to have some official backup around in case someone gets rowdy, and a black and white cruiser parked at the end of the drive would work just fine.

Bailey the Bolter was tethered underneath a tree in the front yard with a bowl of water. Why the hell didn't Max and I think of that yesterday with all the deliveries? We’d wasted a fucking hour chasing him down every time he got out the front door. The other two will come when you call them, but Bailey has his own agenda. Oh, yeah …why didn’t we think of that? We didn’t because we were too busy making changes to maps and plans carefully crafted by Reags and Diana, both of them planners to the core. Perhaps that had been the problem. Both Max and I have been too used to making the plans and not following ones created by others for too long.

I rubbed my hands together at the thought that there is another woman like Reags who is not attached and seemingly does not want to be. My kind of woman. Hold up there, Irish; she is the “best friend,” and how often do two good-looking women run together? Not often as the competition is too great. They have described her to me as “bright, funny, smart,” ...she's gotta be a dog.

Damn that cafe curtain in the window of the Jeroboam. All I could see of her was the blonde bob and her upright posture. She turned her face away too quickly for me to get a good look. Soon, very soon I can get as good a look as I want as she is due here ...soon. Another indication I have been in command too long. I can't remember the details someone else has created. As soon as I get in the door, I'll get to the planning documents and see when Diana will arrive.

“Hola! Did everyone get a good night's sleep?” I shouted as I banged on the front door. Pandora and Bear also announced my arrival; Bailey had barked until I stopped and petted him, and then he settled down. Max ushered me past the two who had come to attention for him and offered me coffee.

“We slept well. But as we have much to do this day, drink your coffee and let us begin digging this trench for roasting.”

“Max, why the hell didn't we rent a smoker for this shindig? I haven't dug trenches since Recon training,” I asked sidling to the table where the precise battle plan had been laid out. I checked my watch; Diana would be here in 30.

“Diana does not trust smokers, particularly rented ones. She prefers her own ovens, but as the volume required for this event is too great, she has the pit method as a back up.”

“Sounds like we ought to take her along next time we deploy. Her cooking has got to be better than MREs.” Max had commented in the past that at least MREs did not have the weevils his troops had picked out of their bread and the mold they scraped from their cheese. There is that advantage to modern packaging.

Reags appeared looking as good as she normally does but with something on her mind. I better get my good morning in before we hear it. “Mornin, Honey,” kissing her cheek.

“Mornin’ to you. Shovels are outside, and you can thank me later for making you get the tent guys back out here to move it. Digging is required. The more you dig early, the less you will sweat this afternoon.” Yep, she had “Work Crew Chief” written all over that sweet face. I may be lucky she was never my CO or, God forbid, my DI.

Her comments were sweeter than some Drill Instructors I have known but not by much. Max almost saluted! Well, hell; so had I. Reags would have read mine correctly as sarcasm.

Today, unlike yesterday, we grabbed the map and started testing the ground to find where this prior fire pit had been. Finding the outline of where we were to dig is pretty easy with Max at one end of the approximate dimensions and me at the other. I hope to God Terry gets back from London early to help with this. Perimeter found and marked, Max and I lasted 15 minutes before the first grunt sounded.

"Max, as soon as Diana gets her, we are taking a water break.  Digging dirt may be good exercise, but it sucks when you're not used to it."  Max grunts again, stabbing his shovel into the earth.  


At the first sound of the dogs barking, we look up to see a vision of loveliness coming towards us.  Not the two women ...the beer.

“So who is the Don Johnson wannabe? I gather that would be you?” Nodding to me. “I have been after Reags for years to get him for me for my birthday, Groundhog Day, any holiday where a gift might be appropriate. And she has been telling me for years that she was one phone call away from making it happen.” She had used this time talking to size me up, controlling the interaction. To be honest I had used it as well – nice rack, long legs, a twinkle in her hazel eyes and a laugh inherent in her voice; I couldn't take offense at the “wannabe” reference. She obviously had not intended it to be a slight and extended her hand. “Diana Walker, you can call me Dee.”

Max grumped before I could take her hand and say, “Dean O'Reilly. Pleased to finally meet you. I thought these two were conspiring to keep us apart.”

“I think the pleasure will be all mine, Mr. O'Reilly.”

“Call me Dino. It seems only right since I will be your gravedigger today. And bless you for bringing the water and beer, Reags.” I took three gulps of water before pouring a little on my neck and inner elbows, taking the Igloo from Reags and motioning for Max to rejoin me in our manual labor.

Diana tested the perimeter we had staked; I gather Reags had squealed on our fiasco yesterday. I don't know if she is trying to save us some work or to guarantee HER roasting pit is satisfactory. Satisfied for the moment, the two women retreated to the house.

“What did you say, Max?” I asked between shovel strokes.

“It took Diana a week” shovel stroke, “to allow me” shovel stroke, “the intimacy” shovel stroke, “of her nickname.” Stronger shovel stroke. I responded between shovel strokes and grunts of my own.

“There is a God.” Shovel stroke, “and” shovel stroke, “I” shovel stroke, “have” shovel stroke, “done” shovel stroke, “something” shovel stroke, “right.” I wonder what it was? With Terry coming in from London, I have right of first sight on Diana.

Diana reappeared wheeling a barrow loaded with four, 50-pound bags of charcoal.

A “ting” sounded as my shovel hit metal, and the tremor ran all the way up my arms. I would like to believe it was from Dee's reappearance in my vicinity, but I do believe I have hit the firebox for this shindig. She was close enough to hear the ting and responded accordingly.

“Good news, boys. I think you just hit pay dirt; let me jump down in here. In your case, pay dirt is neither gold nor oil, but the firebox. OK, only three more linear feet to go.” She put her hands on the newly dug side and lifted herself out. “Only 12 more cubic feet of dirt to move.” I didn't know sarcasm could work as a motivational device, but coming from Dee, it did for me.

“Max, Dino, you have a choice to make, but only one of you gets to go. KP duty with Reags in the kitchen or keep digging. I warn you, right now she has 20 pounds of potatoes to be peeled.”

Max shot Dee a look before he spoke. “Dee, I think it would be appropriate if you were to go in and help Reagan. There is no need for you to be here in the heat, as Dino and I can accomplish this in good order.”

“Max, I’m not dealing with her attitude today …she needs you a hell of a lot more than she does me right now.” Max tried not to look too grateful and almost succeeded.

Dee had picked up a shovel when she made that “offer.” If Dee is digging, I am staying no matter how my shoulders have started screaming, “Potatoes, you idiot!” Max dropped his shovel and made a beeline for the kitchen …and the water and the air-conditioning and Reags.

I watched as Dee pulled a pair of work gloves out of the pocket of her red shorts and started finding the edge of the soft earth. It wouldn't take long for her white t shirt to be gray from the earth moving. While she does not have as much upper body strength as I, she is pretty damned strong for a woman; that was evident from her wheelbarrow entrance. The bags were stacked so the balance was almost perfect, but it still takes a lot to hold up 200 pounds of anything. She could hold me up right after I collapsed on .... Down boy. I know you were predisposed to like her even before you met her. But meeting to fucking in one step? That is one big leap. I do not fancy taking another beating from Max, and he’d made it pretty clear that Dee is under his “protection.”

Dee was getting ahead of me in digging this damn thing. I thought her method is better. I watched how she put the point of the blade about six inches over from the last insertion. Put her goat roper work boot on the shovel and stepped, putting her other foot on the other side and letting her full weight do the work. She is by no means a small woman. Five-foot-seven, I peg her a size 10 or 12, but probably has to buy X Large to cover that lovely, lovely chest. I shook my head to get such thoughts out of it. No wonder she was getting ahead of me. I’ve always had problems perving and working at the same time. Perving. Such a useful word Terry taught me.

As she was working towards me, I could hear her humming, and she was working to that rhythm. For the life of me I cannot identify the melody, though; she cannot carry a tune in a bucket. I tried humming John Henry softly.

“Let's try humming Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” she suggests. “John Henry and Red River Valley don't seem to go together.” Once again, the laugh in her voice could not be denied.

“Let's take a water break first.” Rehydrated, my mouth and tongue seemed to be willing to ask Dee some questions that my mind had been formulating while throwing dirt.

“Why aren't you in the kitchen, in the air conditioning?” I asked as we sit companionably in the lawn chairs she brought out on her first trip to the work site.

“First, I hate Reags' potato peelers, not enough play in the blade part, and I forgot mine. That detail wasn't on the list. Second, Max and she deserve some time alone together this weekend, even if it is only peeling potatoes. She rode yesterday, but you knew that, didn't you? She is a bit stressed about making her debut as TEO’s hostess; he needs to be in there talking to her. Never have seen her stressed like that. Third, with all the work I do around my barn, I CAN do this. Fourth, you're out here. I have always had a fondness for redheads. And besides, with Max's Mediterranean blood, he would not read your heat stroke onset as well as I do. I would hate to have you pass out on me before I can get know you.”

“Do you always put the most important reason last when ticking lists off?”

“Nope, it normally comes third. The first two are smokescreens, and the last one is so whoever I am speaking to can look like they are thinking over momentous information before coming back to what I really want them to know. Strategy works when giving people options to choose from as well. Reags now tells me to go directly to number three.”

I wondered if she always gives reasons for letting someone else slack off and make them feel OK about it? I would ask, but she is already up and moving.


Reags, Max, Dee, and I were sitting at the table, looking to all the world like we could be playing bridge or poker and drinking beer. We WERE sitting at the table; that is the only thing that is true in the prior statement. Max, Dee, and I were sucking down electrolytes like crazy, trying to get our body chemistry back in balance; all three of us agreed we are getting a backhoe for the next barbecue of this magnitude. Reags and Dee were picking out beans for the baked beans – pulling out the little stones that invariably get packed in the plastic bags and removing unworthy beans, you know the shriveled up ones. I have learned more about beans today than I ever wanted to know. I offered the observation that they could have just bought the one-gallon cans of baked beans at Sam’s, and the look I got from both of them would have buried a lesser man.

Three large camping coolers sat just inside the kitchen filled with seasoned meat wrapped in heavy duty aluminum foil to be slow roasted; the refrigerator was packed with potato salad and cole slaw, odd plastic bags of sliced onions, jalapeños, tomatoes, cheese, and dill pickles ready to be placed on presentation platters around the salads. Work crew sized, orange thermoses were filled with iced tea.

“Thank you both for doing this. Homemade always tastes better than catered. I think the clients are going to love it. A real, authentic Texas barbecue put on by two Texas roses. I am in awe of the work you have done putting this thing together for us. Besides the manual labor, all Max and I have done is stand around taking deliveries and writing checks. Tio did even less; all he did was go through the address book and have Sooze send out the invitations. Hey, did we ever get the confirmed final count?”

DIANA

“On Thursday at 1500 Sooze said we should be braced for 88 beings, 15 kids, and us.” Reags responded without even having to check the list. I had been embarrassed at one briefing; now I always check the written record before replying to a question like that. Even for a social event.

Reags looked much calmer now than she had earlier in the day; I guess the potato peeling interlude with Max had done much to ease her fears. That and everything we could possibly do to make this successful had been done.

During Dino's and my last water break outside, looking in Reags' kitchen bay window and seeing their two heads huddled over the sink gave me hope all was well.

I am not entirely sure how my relationship with Max is going. I like him well enough, enjoy him even, but his formality in informal situations does get to me. I can just imagine him at some formal affair and ratcheting his visible stiffness up about seven pegs. He’s not someone with whom I would want to go to a fancy dress ball. I suppose I don't have to love him; Reags does that. All I have to do is get along with him.

Now the elusive partner Dino. Him I could love. Funny, quick witted, smart, charming. And a redhead. I can banter with him. He gets my jokes. He makes me feel comfortable, accepted, and that is after only a few hours. Most of those hours were silent, but it was a comfortable silence. He is a hard worker except when he was staring at my chest. Is staring at my chest that bad a thing? I have been such a non sexual being for so long, I may not know the answer to that. I may not recognize a spark until it scorches me. His staring did not bother me; it was appreciative, not lewd. Maybe that is what a spark feels like.

I was also on my best behavior in an attempt to make a good first impression on Dino. I suppose he was, too. I know he had managed to piss Reags off twice now, but they seemed to be on good terms currently. He must have more sides to him than I have seen so far. Hopefully, later on today or tonight I will have much more time one on one with him for some conversation. Digging a trench together does not lend itself to getting to know someone's background. You are much too busy trying to breathe to do much talking.  Of course, you can learn much by observation on a work detail.

The four of us gathered around the fire box to start the meat cooking. “Reags, do you want to lay the fire?” She grinned at me. “No, do not go there. That is not what I meant, and you know it.” Ah, well, a little bawdy humor never hurt a good barbecue. In fact I think it is in the Texas State Constitution that a barbecue/bar-b-que/barbeque (all spellings are acceptable) or Volunteer Fire Department chili dinner must have bawdy humor. God knows, everything else is in our Constitution. Don’t laugh …I’m dead serious.

I have supplied our bawdy humor. Reags was now doubled over laughing; who would have thought Max could have a lascivious laugh? Dino was looking somewhat discomfited, not quite sure if laughing will get him laid or not and wanting to do the thing with the highest chance of success. I began to laugh, then to cackle, also wondering if my cackle has scotched any chance I had of getting laid.

I began issuing orders. “Reags …to the house. We need newspaper to start the fire. Dino, Max, get the bags of charcoal, and once we get the newspaper down, space the briquettes equidistant apart all the way down the trench. Well! I’ve left myself with nothing to do …isn’t that amazing? Hurry, Reags, the quicker you get back with the newspapers, the quicker we can move on to the beer on TEO’s nickel. Sorry, Dino.”

Reags reappeared with two weeks of the Dallas Morning News in her arms and waving a box of matches.

“Hey, Ms. Organization, you forgot to ‘instruct’ me to get matches.”

“Piss off. I was waiting to see if you still remembered how to do this, or if the Grand Tour had erased that from your memory.” She made a face at me.

“Okay, all four of us are going to lay this fire, and yes, that was bawdy. It’s time to get newsprint all over ourselves, so everyone grab and crumple.” Reags and I climbed down into the fire pit and started wadding as Max and Dino stood topside, crumpling and tossing the wads down in front of them.

“What are you two doing up there? Get down here! You’re going to have to rearrange them, and that’s more work. I’ve already heard about your charitable contribution to the 'Tent Guys’ Benevolent Fund' yesterday. Reags and I aren’t on overtime …don’t cause us extra work!”

That earned me a leer from Dino. “I can get you paid.”

I looked up at him. “Maybe you can, but in what currency? I ain’t taking it out in trade.”

Max jumped down into the pit and leaned toward Reagan, speaking softly. “What is 'taking it out in trade'?”

She looked at him. “That means he isn’t getting lucky tonight …and neither are you. I’m too tired.”

The kindling now done, Max hopped out of the pit and held out his hands to help Reags. Dino, not wanting to look uncouth but unsure how much of a true feminist I am, held out one hand to help me up. I took it gratefully, as I don’t think my shoulders could have hauled me out now, not after a day of shoveling. As my second foot hit the top of the pit, a clod broke off underneath it, and I slipped. Dino grabbed my other hand and jerked me upward and straight into his chest. I gave him a truly grateful smile. His chest is as strong as the one of the guy I ran into in the hallway a couple of years back. He does have a heather brown suit. Surely there aren’t that many chests that solid in the world.

“Thank you for the hand, Dino. Hope I can reciprocate some day.” Max cleared his throat.

“Dee, do you have specific instructions for how you wish the fire to be lit?”

“Of course, but let’s try a new way. Normally, I’m down in the trench. Let’s try lying here on the side and see if our arms are long enough to light the edges of the paper. That way I only get dirtier instead of singed.” Dino smiled.

“I’ll get down in the trench and light it.”

I had additional instructions. “Be sure you get it lit every six inches because ….”

His hand in the air stopped me. “Don’t explain. You want the coals to catch evenly.”

“OK.” Like Reags, I know when to do “meek.”

TERRY

I hung up the phone. No flights out for at least 24 hours; the bloody London fog strikes again. I looked at my watch …might as well call them now as later. For all I knew, Max, Reagan, Dino, and what’s-her-name could be in full party mode by now. I dialed, and Dino answered between the third and fourth rings.

“Mate.”

“Terry! Can you call me back in five?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m starting a fire …six inches at a time.”

“Six? You’ve been telling me eight all these years. No wonder I keep getting calls from those sheilas the day you leave. They’re still looking for satisfaction.”

“Fuck you.”

“Mate, I’d rather be fucking what’s-her-name …what is her name, now that I think on it?”

“It’s Diana …and I met her first.”

“Okay, mate. Fair dinkum.”

“Terry, why are you calling? Aren’t you in the air yet? You’re not, are you? You’re sounding more like Charlie from Charlie’s Angels everyday …you’re never fucking here. You’re only on the phone.”

“We’re fogged in …all flights from Heathrow and Gatwick are cancelled for the next 24 hours. Even if I can charm my way onto the first flight out, there’s no way I’ll get there before the party’s over.”

“FUCK! Terry, you’re the CEO of this fucking firm. I’m the CFO. I’m the numbers guy. I don’t do the schmooze.” I heard him talking to her …Reags’ friend.

“Dee, your people skills are going to get put to use tomorrow.” He snapped the phone shut and left me listening to empty air.

DINO

As soon as I climbed out of the fire pit and walked about 20 feet away, I called Miranda. Terry had invited her, and while she wasn’t a K&R rep, she was still a fixture at TEO events; I didn't want to explain that relationship all day. She needed to know that Max and I still wanted her to join us.

“Miranda, Terry’s not going to make it. He’s fogged in. Wanted to let you know that if you don’t show here tomorrow, I’ll come into town and drag you here by the hair of your head.”

She laughed. “I’ll be there, Dino, and thanks for the call.”

Sunday, 04 September 2005, 9:00 P.M.

“Reags, take Max to bed. He’s falling asleep on the couch. Dino, I’m heading out to the pit. You going to come protect me from the coyotes?”

He smiled …oh yeah, that was an invitation if he’d ever had one.

“Well, Sweet Pea, let me go get my trusty six-shooter.”

“You keep that in the Spyder?”

“I threw it in because this place is pretty far out in the boonies …figured I’d rather have and not need it than be caught with my pants down.”

“I’ll get the sheets out of the washer so that we’re at least cool, and the mosquitoes don’t carry us away. I don’t know about you, but I’m pooped.”

She watched him walk out the door and return a few minutes later, shoulder holster on and the Ruger in place. Well, it wasn’t precisely a six-shooter, but that Ruger should take care of anything attempting to make a run on the fire pit. She detoured through the kitchen and filled a thermos with water, snagged a couple of plastic glasses from the party supplies, and turned to see Dino emerging from the utility room with sheets in hand. She followed him to the door and out into the back yard. The sight of the holster was a bit disquieting.

“Do you have to wear a shoulder holster tonight?”

“Sweet Pea, the safety’s on, it’s not on the ground to get this damned north Texas grit into it and cause a misfire, and I’m used to it. There won’t be any critters stealing our bar-b-que tonight.”

“Oh, well, I guess I can live with that.”

“That’s the point, Sweet Pea.” They set up the banana noses, dropped the sheets on them, and she put the thermos and glasses on the ground between the two of them. “Why does a single woman have two banana noses?”

“Reags and I had a wild hair one year …don’t ask. Now I keep both of them in my barn in case one of the horses colics in the night, and I have to get the vet over. At least we don’t have to sleep in the hay.”

“Is he the only man who's ever slept over?”

“In the barn, yes.” They sat on the banana noses, and she crossed one leg over the other, swinging her foot making the sandal on that foot dangle from her toe. He stood again, stripped off the shoulder holster, and slung it over a low hanging tree branch.

“I thought you were wearing it. Why did you hang it on the tree?”

He smiled down at her. “That’s the Marine equivalent of the necktie on the door.” Well. Things might be looking up.

“Who are you, Dino? You put the necktie on the door before that necktie ought to mean anything. Who are you?” He sat with his hands dangling between his knees.

“Dee, you gonna make me get philosophical on you?”

“I’d like a few answers.”

He sighed. “Okay. Guess that’s fair enough. You’re Reags’ best friend, and Max likes you. That alone predisposes me to like you. You’re fun, you’re intelligent, and you’re good looking. I don’t meet too many women with that combination going for them. As much as anything, you’re probably a challenge …like I said, I don’t meet too many women like you.”

“Give me the one-liner of who you are.”

“I’m still the poor Irish kid from Greenville, North Carolina whose dad worked in the textile mills.”

“So you’re still fighting that.”

“Every fucking day.”

“What got you to here?”

“Went into the Marines straight out of high school. Got into RECON, then OCS, back into RECON as an officer and got the hell out. I’ve never felt comfortable anyplace until I found K&R. The unsettled lifestyle suits me.”

“Sounds like I’m just a slightly more polished version of you.”

Monday, September 5, 2005 – Labor Day

SNAPSHOTS

Max was set up to mingle with insurance guys’ wives and husbands/partners. Dino ‘volunteered’ to handle the female reps. Dee, as a former HR type, was good with reps of both genders. Reagan would deal with all the wives and the kids; the shrink in her just understands children. She’d even had the foresight to order a Bouncy Castle for the kids.

Reagan: God, Maximus, I knew there were going to be a hundred people here, but I just never thought about what that many people in my back yard was going to look like. Trying to move through them is like swimming upstream in Elmer’s Glue. This is one of the few times in my life that I’ve felt as if I’m out of my league.

Maximus: Cara, you have these people in the palm of your hand and look at Dee. She is charming insurance representatives that Terry and Dino and I have been courting for years. We will have at least half a dozen new contracts when this party is done.

*

Dino: Are you enjoying yourself? Can I get you a drink?

Actuarial One: No, I’m good, I’m good. Be sure to give me a call early next week …nah, make it the week after. There’s a guy I want you to talk to. Actuarial guys never get invited to parties like this, and I’m grateful. I can grease the skids for you.

*

Dino: Thanks, Buddy. And I’m not just talking about the party. Why did you two keep Dee and I apart for so long?

Maximus: Dino, I did not meet Dee until the fourth of July. I wanted to be sure of her myself before risking introducing her to you and Terry.

*

Dino: Reags, how did you and Dee meet?

Reagan: That’s a long story …the next time we get drunk together, I’ll fill you in.

Dino: I’ll hold you to that, Honey. (Diana walks up)

Diana: You guys can’t huddle like it’s a footy scrum! Get out and work the crowd!

*

Diana: Bob! As I live and breathe. I didn’t expect to ever see you again! I didn’t realize TEO had Big Eight contacts.

Al: Dee! I didn’t think I’d see you again either. We’re not the Big Eight any more. With all the buy-outs and consolidations, we’re probably no more than the Big Three these days. TEO may be a small firm, but they’re known everywhere.

*

Reagan: Did you lose the screw in your glasses here? Come on into the house. I have a repair kit and we can fix that in less than minute.

Actuarial Guy One: Thank you. I didn’t lose it here, but it’s nice of you to offer.

Reagan: Oh, come on. The kit is in my kitchen implements drawer. We can fix that in no time.

*

Reagan: I spelled ‘lose’ and ‘loose’ and ‘chose’ and ‘choose’ incorrectly for the context until less than three years ago. Do you know how absurd that is for someone in academia? Jesus!

Dee: I spelled ‘soldier’ with a ‘j’ for years. Do you know how awkward that is in a DoD setting?

*

Maximus: Actually, I’m on the Middle East desk.

Female Insurance Rep: That must be fascinating. Is the tall blonde your wife?

Maximus: Not yet, but this is her home.

*

Diana: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.

Miranda: Miranda Lewis. Are you with Dino?

Diana: I’m not sure. Reagan and I are close friends and, when necessary, we help each other cater large parties. Are you a client of TEO’s?

Miranda: Usually, I’m Terry’s date, but he’s stuck in the London fog right now. He called me from Claridge’s last night to let me know he wouldn’t be able to make it. Dino called to tell me I was still expected even though Terry isn’t here.

Diana: I haven’t met Terry.

*

Diana: Do you know Miranda Lewis?

Reagan: I met her one day in the office. Why?

Diana: She just pissed a circle around Terry.

Reagan: Well, yeah, she’s a bit territorial about him.

*

Reagan: What’s your name, Sweetheart?

Stephanie: Stp’nie.

Reagan: Stephanie, have you been to my bouncy castle yet?

Stephanie: No ….

Reagan: Well, let’s go ask your mommy if it’s okay with her and then we’ll go!

*

Maximus: Dino, I must ask …did you take liberties with Diana last night?

Dino: I considered it, Max, but I was afraid you’d fucking kill me if I did and you found out.

*

Dino: Thank you.

Diana: For what?

Dino: You took on the role of CEO of this firm ...you’ve reached out and touched the decision makers who are here today. Terry couldn’t have done any better.

Diana: When do I get to meet Terry?

*

Actuarial Guy Number Two: You sound British.

Maximus: I’m Spanish, but I was educated in the UK.

*

Insurance Rep Wife One (watching an Actuarial): That isn’t a napkin, you know.

Insurance Rep Wife Two: Darling, you can dress them up but you can’t take them out.

*

Reagan: Stephanie, what’s the matter, Sweetheart?

Stephanie: I can’t find my mommy!

Reagan: Sweetie, I’m a little bit taller than you are, and I can see her. Come here. (picks up the child) See? She’s right over there.

*

Dino: Reagan’s good with kids, isn’t she?

Maximus: Very good.

*

Maximus: Are you surviving the barbarian hordes?”

Diana: Max, you forget …I’ve been one of the barbarians.

*

Miranda: So, are you and Max an item?

Reagan: We’ve been seeing each other for a while now.

Miranda: You may be wondering why I’m here.

Reagan: Not at all. When we met at the office, it was clear you and Terry have been seeing each other. I can’t think of any reason why you shouldn’t be here. You’re obviously friends with Dino and Max as well as Terry.

Miranda: I’m normally the de facto hostess for the TEO functions …well, I have been in the past.

Reagan: Miranda, I have no intention of usurping that position. I actually got roped into this because Terry hadn’t made arrangements, and Dino and Max caught me with a hangover …I agreed just to get them to shut up and leave me to my misery.

Miranda: I’ve never been involved with any of the front-end work on their functions because Terry’s always made the arrangements with the caterers himself. I suppose he made the arrangements; I've never thought about it. Quite honestly, I don’t have the time to do them and don’t even want to. You’ve done a wonderful job, and everyone seems to be having a great afternoon.

Reagan: Well, I didn’t do it all by myself …my best friend did a great deal of it.

Miranda: Well then, it looks as if you and I and your best friend are going to be seeing more of each other in days to come, doesn’t it?

Reagan: So it seems, and I’ll look forward to that.

*

Dino: Reags! We’re running out of beans …are the shriveled ones plump yet?

Reagan: Go to your room!

Dino: All these people are standing in the middle of my room.

*

Insurance Rep Wife Four: So, Mrs. Espan, do you and Mr. Espan have children?

Reagan: We aren’t married, and it’s Dr. Kavanagh.

Insurance Rep Wife Four: I see ….

*

VP Wife moving up to CEO Wife: So, you’re here with Dino?

Diana: I just met him yesterday.

VP Wife moving up to CEO Wife: I'll give you some time then before condemning him.

*

Diana: Do you know what that bitch just said to me?

Dino: Which one?

*

Dino: You must have been an amazing amount of help to John in his career path.

VP Wife moving up to CEO Wife: *simper*

*

Existing Client One: You guys have outdone yourselves with the food this year.

Maximus: Thank you.

*

Reagan: You know, as cute a couple as Dee and Dino are, I really see her with Terry more than Dino.

Maximus: Do not go there, Cara.

Reagan: But, Maximus ….

Maximus: Cara, what part of NO do you fail to understand?

*

Actuarial One: Did you see the new tables that came out of the University of Chicago?

Actuarial Two: Man, did you see what they said about age 65?

Actuarial One: That made absolutely no sense.

DINO

I hit the speed dial for Terry’s cell and left him a one-liner. “Tio …you missed a good one.”

NOTES

Lead changes	The canter is a three beat gait meaning a hind leg, a hind leg and a front leg, and a front leg strike the ground in order with a moment of suspension when all legs are off the ground. Changing which front leg comes down independently is a lead change.
Diagonal	The trot is a two beat gait with one of the horse's front legs moving in tandem with the diagonal hind leg. To balance the horse well, the rider allows the horse's power to lift her from the saddle with one set of diagonal leg movements and settles in the saddle on the next diagonal leg movement.
Hard hands	When holding the reins, the rider should think that she is holding fresh eggs in her hands and have no more pressure on the reins than would break the egg shell. If the amount of pressure on the reins is more than could break an egg, the rider is considered to have “hard hands.”
Schoolmaster	A very well trained horse who has a loving, easy, willing disposition. They are worth their weight in gold.
MRE	Meals-Ready-to-Eat. The staple diet of the U. S. military forces in the field since Operation Desert Storm (January through March, 1991).
CO	Commanding Officer
DI	Drill Instructor
Banana nose	A plastic, collapsible chaise lounge