Author’s
Note: Please be aware that I have no idea as to the true name of
Randy Travis’ agent
and no desire to know. The
name given him in this work him derives from a name-generator
program. The two colour photos above are of Travis' home in Lanai;
the black and white shot is one accompanying a CD he recorded many
years ago. R. Kavanagh
REAGAN
I
hung up the phone and looked at Max; there was a relieved smile on my
face.
“You
were successful?”
“I
was successful.” His smile matched mine.
The
six of us – Terry and Dee, Sooze and Sarah, Max and me – had
hatched what we considered the perfect surprise for Dino and Ellie’s
wedding reception. None of us ever considered how damned difficult
it would be to bring that little gem to fruition. It started one day
when Dee and I met Sooze for lunch.
I’d
had a compilation CD in the player in my car, one I’d made a while
back for a close friend who was remarrying, and one of the songs on
it was “Forever and Ever, Amen” by Randy Travis. Yes, I know
it’s sappy, but if you’re from Texas or the South in general, I
can’t imagine you not liking it. I knew both Dino and Ellie liked
it because one night when everyone was at our home, we’d done
‘requests’ and spent the evening playing old songs various of us
loved. Guess what the first one Dino and Ellie requested was …yeah,
that’s a no-brainer.
As
I was the only one of the three guaranteed not to be working and have
the time to play telephone-tag, I volunteered to make the call.
Perhaps I should amend that …calls. Sooze has a
full-time job, and Dee doesn’t carry her cell when she’s working
horses. I’ll always appreciate Terry’s offer to let me make the
calls from the office and on TEO’s dime. I’d have run our home
phone bill into the hundreds within a week. You do not want
to know how much of the firm’s money I actually spent getting this
accomplished. The first call went about as I anticipated.
I’d
first gone to www.imdb.com,
became a 14-day, free-trial Pro subscriber, and got the name,
address, and phone number of Randy Travis' agent. I made notes so I
wouldn’t forget anything, then placed the first call.
“Mr.
X’s office. How may I direct your call?”
“My
name is Reagan Espan-Kavanagh. I’d like to speak with Mr. X if
he’s available.”
“I’m
sorry, Mr. X is in a meeting.” Sure he is …. “May I ask the
nature of your business with him?”
“I’d
like to speak with him regarding one of his clients.”
“And
which client might that be?”
“This
is a personal call, and though I've no wish to be rude, I really
need to speak with Mr. X. I’d only be wasting your valuable
time if I elaborate now.”
“Mr.
X is reluctant to return calls from people he doesn’t know.”
“I
completely understand. Would you please tell him I’m with Thorne,
Espan, and O’Reilly in Dallas, Texas? We’re in risk management.
Mr. X can access our Dun and Bradstreet ratings for details. It’s
most important I speak with him regarding Mr. Randy Travis. Would
you be so kind as to relay the message? I need to speak with him as
soon as possible. My call-back number is 214.XXX.XXXX.
“I’ll
be happy to give Mr. X the details of your call. Have a nice day.”
That
went pretty much as I’d anticipated. I’d placed the call just
after noon, Dallas time, which made it just after ten on the West
Coast. When he’d not returned my call by six Dallas time, Max and
I went home. I made the trip in the following day and called again.
“Mr.
X’s office. How may I direct your call?”
“This
is Reagan Espan-Kavanagh again. I called yesterday and left a
message asking Mr. X to call.”
“Oh,
yes. I recall talking with you. Mr. X will be in meetings all day
today and most of tomorrow. He wasn’t sure when he’d be able to
call.”
“Do
you happen to know if he checked my firm’s status on
D&B to ascertain the nature of our business?”
“He
didn’t indicate having done so. Is it important?” I gritted my
teeth.
“Have
you checked our rating? If not, why don’t you do so right
now?” I spelled TEO's
website address slowly, pausing for her to repeat it to me.
Seriously, how difficult is it to understand three letters followed
by dot-org? “Perhaps that will encourage you to
encourage Mr. X to return my
call. I’ll wait while you take a look.”
I
heard her typing …v-e-r-y slowly. Clearly she was not hired for
her typing skill. It was several minutes before she spoke, and I
only heard one mouse-click. It would seem she reads as slowly as she
types. This may be a lengthy call.
“Okay,
I’m there. T-E-O. Thorne – Espan – O’Reilly, is that it?”
“That’s
it.” I didn’t bother correcting her pronunciation of both Espan
and O’Reilly; it would be too painful for me.
“And
you’re the Espan, right?”
“I’m
one of them. My husband’s name is the one on the door.”
“Ma’am?”
I got this mental image of the prototypical dumb blonde; at least
she wasn’t popping gum in my ear.
“Do
you see what our firm does?”
“Is
it, ummm …risk management?”
“That
would be correct.”
“What’s
risk management?”
“Do
you see the link that says “K and R Specialists?”
“Yes.”
“Click
that.” That was followed by a laborious mouse-click.
“Wow
…you guys kidnap people and hold them for ransom? Now that’s
weird.” God in Heaven help me.
“No,
we rescue people who have been kidnapped and are being held
for ransom.”
“Cool!
Is it fun?”
“Not
particularly. Now, Ms. – what was your name?”
“Celine
– like Celine Dion, you know? – Asher.”
“Thanks.
Now, Ms. Asher, ….”
“You
can call me Celine.”
“Great.
Now, Celine, you know that my firm specialises in kidnap and ransom,
that we rescue people who have been kidnapped, right?” I had the
feeling the word recover would be beyond her ken.
“Yes.”
“Now
doesn’t it make sense to you that if my firm rescues people who’ve
been kidnapped, and I’ve called about Randy Travis, it might be a
good idea to tell Mr. X that I need to speak with him about Mr.
Travis?”
“Oh,
my God! Has Randy been kidnapped?”
“Not
yet.”
“Thank
you, Jesus!” I looked at the clock on the wall, and the firm’s
money ticking away as I talked with this fool. Somewhere
out there is a village missing its idiot
“Celine,
Honey, Mr. Travis hasn’t been kidnapped, but I really do need to
speak with Mr. X as soon as possible.”
“Yes,
Ma’am, I, like, totally understand. But this time, like, when I
said he was in meetings, I, like, lied.” Gee, ya think? “He’s,
like, really out of town for a couple of days, like, with his
girlfriend. I think I can tell you that because, like, you
probably don’t know his wife, right?”
“Right
you are. Wouldn’t know the lady if I ran over her with my car.”
“You’re
funny!” You aren't.
“Thank
you. Now, about Mr. X?”
“Oh,
yeah. He, like, really is out of town until Friday. He’ll be back
late that night. I can, like, have him call you first thing Monday
morning, if that’s okay.”
“I
guess it will have to be. Look, Celine, let me give you my cell
phone number and my number at home. That way if I don’t make it
into the office on Monday, you can put the call through to one of
those numbers. Is that all right with you?”
“Yes,
Ma’am …just, like, let me get a pencil and a piece of paper.”
I
hung up two minutes later, shaking my head in amazement. Celine must
be a goddess to look at because she damned sure hadn’t been hired
for her brains.
*
“How’s
the recruitment effort going?”
“You
don’t want to know.”
“Try
me.”
“I’ve
spent this week talking with Celine – ‘like Celine Dion’, to
use her words – Asher. She answers the phone for Travis’ agent.
Dee, I’ll swear to God, she’s a true RTIQ, and it’s a very cool
room.” I wanted to slap her when she sniggered. I would have if I
hadn’t been talking to her on the phone.
“Has
he called you yet?”
“He’s
out of town with his girlfriend until late Friday …won’t be back
in the office until Monday, and Celine will pass the message to him
then. Since I don’t know his wife, Celine felt safe in sharing
that little confidence with me. Of course, now that I’ve
confided his dirty, little secret to you, you have to promise not to
tell his wife.”
“Is
this a pinky swear, or do I have to prick my finger and sign in
blood?”
“In
your case, slit your wrists.”
“In
the bathtub or do you want a scarlet rug? Cuz I sure as shit
will not do it here in our lounge. Okie would eat me before Terry
got home to find my beautiful, lifeless body.”
“You
get your choice of location!”
You
can only talk that way to someone you love dearly, and they love you
equally. Dee had trouble getting her words out because she was
laughing so hard, as was I.
“Seriously,
Dee, this child gives an entirely new meaning to the terms airhead,
wind tunnel, and fuckwit.”
*
Mr.
X actually returned my call on Monday. Of course it was almost five
o’clock in the evening, and Max and I were walking out the door of
the office when he did. Sooze stopped us, and I sprinted – well,
as close as I could do to a sprint these days – down the hall to
Max’s office and closed the door behind me. Max would keep Dino
occupied if he left his office and asked where I was.
“Mrs.
Espan? This is Justin X. You called regarding my client, Randy
Travis.”
“I
did, and it’s actually Dr. Espan-Kavanagh, but you may call me
Reagan if you like.”
“Fine,
Reagan. My receptionist tells me that your firm is in the kidnap and
ransom recovery trade. Is that correct?”
“Yes,
it is, but let me assure you that to the best of our knowledge Mr.
Travis is in no danger.”
“Then
I fail to see the relevance of your call.”
“Justin
– may I call you Justin? – if you’ll give me a couple of
minutes, I’ll explain.”
I’m
not going to bore you with the details of that conversation, as I’ve
no desire to relive the frustration. Suffice it to say that the man
was just this side of openly hostile. We ended the conversation with
his vow to pass along the information to his client; if Mr. Travis
was interested, he would be in touch. That was the best I
could do for the present; now we all had to wait. The phone at our
home rang ten days later at four on a Saturday afternoon.
“Espan
residence.”
“Is
this Reagan Espan-Kavanagh?”
“It
is. May I ask who’s calling?”
“Yes,
Ma’am. This is Randy Travis. Justin X tells me you have a
proposition for me.”
The
laughter in his voice was really sweet, and the tone was returned
when I answered.
“I
suppose you could call it that, and I do. I’m truly hoping I can
convince you to take me up on it. Mr. Travis, just how much did
Justin tell you?”
“Call
me, Randy …may I call you Reagan?”
“Absolutely.”
“He
said some crackpot in Dallas had called and that she worked for a
kidnap and ransom recovery firm. He did assure me that I’m
not in any danger. Since Justin and Celine have your name and
phone numbers, I figure I'm not in any danger of you kidnapping me
and holding me for ransom just so you can practice …so
what can I do for you?”
“You
called me not knowing any more than that?”
“Let’s
just say that I’m curious.”
“This
may take a few minutes …how long do you have for me to plead my
case?”
“All
I have on the schedule for the rest of the day is finishing the cup
of coffee sitting on my desk.”
“Great!
Here’s what precipitated my call to Justin. One of the named
partners in our firm is getting married soon. He and his fiancé
are both great fans of yours – as am I – and have been for years.
Dino and Ellie’s favourite of your recordings is Forever and
Ever, Amen.”
Randy
laughed.
“Yeah,
I’m kind of partial to that one myself.”
“Dino
was born and raised in North Carolina; Ellie is from Palestine, deep
in the East Texas Piney Woods.”
“North
Carolina? Where in North Carolina? I was born and raised in
Marshville, down in Union County.”
“Dino’s
from Greenville. Small world.”
“Sure
is …so, what can I do for Dino and Ellie?”
Now
we were getting to the heart of the matter.
“Randy,
we’d love it if you would consider coming to Palestine and singing
Forever and Ever, Amen at the reception. We’re more than
willing to pay your usual fee for personal appearances, as well as
air travel and accommodations for you and your band. Is that
something you’d consider?”
I
could hear the smile in his voice.
“For
another country boy from North Carolina and his East Texas lady?
Hell, Reagan, I’ll do it even if I have to reschedule something
else. I appreciate the hell out of your contacting me to ask. I
don’t get asked to do something for someone real very often.
When's all this happening?”
I
couldn’t keep the smile off my face and out of my voice. Max had
come into the office – probably after shoving Dino out the door –
and was watching intently, and I gave him a thumbs up.
“Randy,
that’s wonderful. The wedding is in Palestine, Texas – where
Ellie and I were born and raised – on Saturday, November 24th
…that’s Thanksgiving weekend. Please tell me you’re
free that weekend!”
“Hang
on a minute while I check my calendar …nothing on the books for
that weekend. Can I bring my wife? She’s my manager, you know.
We’re clear all week …when do you want us to come in?”
“Of
course you may bring your wife! How long will you need to set up for
rehearsals and sound-checks in the venue?”
“We
like to have at least a couple of days, and if we fly in before
Thanksgiving, it’ll save you on airfare. It may cost you a couple
nights more in hotel rooms, but I kinda doubt the Holiday Inn in
Palestine will break the bank. Palestine does have a Holiday
Inn, right? Where’s the reception?”
“There's
a Holiday Inn there, and the reception's at the Lake Palestine
Country Club; Ellie's reserved their ballroom for it. I kind of got
roped into being the wedding planner. I’ll book your hotel as soon
as I know how many rooms to reserve. Palestine’s a small town, and
I doubt they have anything scheduled in the Club's ballroom during
that week that would preclude your having complete access to it for
rehearsal and sound check. Could you let me check with the Country
Club and reserve the ballroom for the three days before the wedding
and get back to you with specifics? How many rooms will you need at
the motel?”
“No
problem at all, and we'll need six rooms. Hey, let me give you my
private telephone numbers.”
I
grabbed pen and paper and wrote down his cell and home numbers, the
smile on my face so wide my cheeks were beginning to hurt.
MAXIMUS
She
had said she had no true hope of success but wished to try and
accomplish this for our friends. Terry, Sooze, and I approved her
use of the office telephone for the necessary calls; the six of us –
Terry and Diana, Sooze and Sarah, and Cassandra and myself agreed to
split the expense of Mr. Travis' trip and appearance fee amongst
ourselves should she be successful in her endeavour. In response to
Dino’s questions regarding my wife’s presence in the office, we
told him that she was working on plans for his and Ellen’s wedding.
Ellen
had enlisted my wife’s assistance in the planning of her nuptials
much as Cassandra had sought Diana’s assistance. Cassandra was
both wedding planner and matron-of-honour. As I watched the multiple
tasks my wife had undertaken for Ellen and Dino, I gained no small
amount of appreciation for Diana’s accomplishments when Cassandra
and I married. I called the florist and had a bouquet of sadly
belated thanks delivered to Diana for her efforts on our behalf.
I
knocked on the door and entered the conference room after receiving
permission from my wife. Though I had never felt her wrath at
entering a room with a closed door without first knocking, I
suspected it would be formidable. She is a very private woman and
resents intrusion by anyone into the matters she considers to be of a
personal nature. I can appreciate that facet of her behaviour, as I
am the same. Perhaps that is one reason we get on as well as we do.
I realise I do not know all there is to know of her, though she knows
all of me that I can recall. That knowledge does not trouble me; she
will tell me what I should know of herself when it is necessary for
me to know more specific details. I heard her soft ‘Enter’ and
opened the door.
“How
go your calls?”
“Pretty
good. I’ve reserved rooms for Randy and his band at the Holiday
Inn for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving through the following Sunday.
They fly out of Tyler Monday morning for LA. I’ve been working
with Elizabeth – Randy’s wife – and she’s terrific. Very
friendly, very helpful, and a shitload of fun.”
A
shitload of fun. At times the euphemisms utilised by my wife, Diana,
and Ellen give me reason to ponder their intended meanings. I have
long since ceased pondering those sayings often used by Dino and
Terry, as I have had six years to accustom myself to them. I ceased
my musings as Cassandra was speaking again.
“I’ve
told Elizabeth that I’ll meet all of them at the airport in Tyler
on Tuesday – I’ve rented two vans, and Dee will be with me to
drive one of them – and get the entourage, their instruments, and
sound set-up back to Palestine. I’ve talked to the managers at the
Holiday Inn and Country Club and sworn them to secrecy. They've said
that any of their staff who gets a motor mouth will be looking for a
job within 15 minutes of their learning of it.”
I
could not but wonder which of the hotel or club’s employees would
be the first to find him – or her – self unemployed.
ELLEN
“They’re
up to something, at least Reags is.” He looked up at me from where
his head nestled into my breasts.
“Yeah,
I know. She’s been in the office and locked in the conference room
more the last month than since I’ve known her. She never comes in
with Max, and she’s been riding in with him two and three days a
week.”
“Well,
you’re the one of us with access to your office …do you have any
ideas what they’re trying to pull off?” He sat up and shook his
head.
“Not
a fucking clue. Is she still your wedding planner?” I snorted.
“That’s
a loose interpretation. She e-mailed me the Project file Dee set up
for their wedding. Reags removed all the data pertinent to their
wedding and plugged in what she knew of ours. She said it was my job
to keep it up-to-date and upload all revisions to the office server
each time I made a change. Actually, that works pretty well for me.
I don’t like other people taking over my life. She’s given me
the format, plugged in dates by which things absolutely have to be
done, and said ‘Call me if you need help.’ Reags and I
understand each other.” You know the son-of-a-bitch
laughed.
“Yeah,
you two do. Probably because you’re so fucking much alike. I
figure I can always ask Max how to deal with you because of that.”
It was my turn to laugh.
“I
can't imagine Max spilling his guts to you – or anyone – about
Reags’ behavior. He’s more close-mouthed than she is, and she
held the prize in my book until I met him. Actually, you won’t
have occasion to ask him anything very often, at least not where I’m
concerned. I’m a lot more forthcoming than Reags is or ever will
be. I think she’s the exemplar of that still-waters-run-deep adage
…of course, I would be, too, if I’d grown up in the house she
did.” That got me a look, and I realized I’d said more than I
intended.
“You
want to elaborate on that last statement?” I shook my head.
“No,
I don’t. If you have any questions about Reags’ background
beyond what you already know, you’ll have to ask her.” I sighed.
“Dino, Reags and I go back as far as we do because as kids, we
both felt we couldn’t trust anyone of the opposite sex, and
the only females we trusted were our moms and each other; we
had good reasons. It’s a long story. You’ll eventually hear my
side of it, but if you ever hear Reags’, it will have to be from
her.” He scooted up to a sitting position and put his arm around
my shoulders, pulling me close.
“Fair
enough.”
DINO
Maybe
I could get something out of Max about why Reags was spending so much
time at the office. I caught him in the coffee bar right after he’d
dropped his briefcase in his office and walked in for his morning
jolt.
“Hey,
Buddy. Good weekend?” He smiled as he poured.
“It
was, though Cassandra is now convinced that she is one of Hannibal's
elephants and will carry this child another 13 months. As of this
morning, I have not been successful in convincing her otherwise.”
He took a sip and looked at me. “Are all women so …testy …during
the last weeks of their term?”
Testy.
That was a nice way of putting it. She may not be a redhead, but
Reags does have an Irish temper. If I’d been living with her, I
suspect my description would have been more akin to ‘bitchy.’
However, it’s not my place to disparage another man’s wife, and
I’m sure as shit not putting myself in harm’s way by expressing
an unsolicited opinion.
“You’re
asking the wrong person, Max. I’ve never spent any ‘quality
time’ with a pregnant woman in my life, and Tio wasn't with
Marjorie all that much when she was pregnant. You might ask Sooze.
She’s far enough past Dolores’ birth that she can probably be
objective with you.” His brow furrowed.
“Perhaps
I shall consult her.” He was just a little preoccupied now, and
this might be the time to strike.
“So,
what’s Reags been up to in the conference room with the door closed
for the last couple of weeks?” I thought I delivered that with
just the right touch of idle curiosity …apparently, it wasn’t
idle enough. He laughed at me.
“Dino,
surely you did not think to distract me with my wife’s
condition and have me tell you our collective secret.”
“Well,
I was kind of hoping ….”
“If
you are sufficiently curious, I suggest you call and frame your
question to my wife.”
Right.
Like that’s gonna happen. She’d laugh herself into premature
labour, Max would blame me – and rightly so – and probably
castrate me before Reags made it to the delivery room. I grinned at
him as I shrugged.
“Well,
hey, it was worth a shot.” He was still chuckling when I headed
out the door and down the hall.
REAGAN
“He
did what?” Surely I’d misunderstood what he said. Surely
Dino wasn’t that desperate.
“He
attempted to discern what you have been ‘up to’ in the conference
room the last few weeks.” Nope, I didn’t misunderstand my
husband, and yes, Dino was that curious.
“Poor
Dino. Ellie called this morning and said his curiosity was getting
the best of him. At least she just flat-out asked me what we were
doing and laughed when I said she’d find out in due course.”
There was no need to ask Max if he’d told Dino anything. I doubt
he’d reveal the information under torture. If the Praetorians
hadn’t been successful in getting him to rat on Lucilla and
Gracchus, Dino didn’t have a chance.
“You
are absolutely certain Travis and his entourage will be there?”
“Barring
Mauna Loa erupting and taking out the Islands’ chain, an earthquake
that makes the United States east of the San Andreas fault slip off
into the Atlantic abyss, and Travis breaking his neck, they’ll be
here.” Max had now been in the 21st century long enough
that he got 99% of peoples' analogies and euphemisms, and that made
my life much easier. It seemed that I’d spent half our time during
the first year we were together explaining such things to him. Once
he got the basics, he began sorting it out on his own. Thank God,
the man is a quick study. He smiled and nodded as he took a sip of
his scotch and puffed on his pipe. The pipe was a new addition to
his behavioural repertoire. I leant forward as he puffed.
“Blow
the smoke this way.” He giggled before speaking.
“I
was not aware you missed smoking so much.”
“Most
times I don’t, but that smells so damned good!” He
inhaled, then puffed my direction. Black cherry with rum mixed in
…Heavenly.
“Now
kiss me.” He quirked that eyebrow at me.
“Don’t
ask questions, just take a sip of your drink, put down the glass, and
kiss me.” He obliged though the quizzical look didn’t leave his
face.
I
could taste the peaty flavour of fine, aged, scotch whiskey on his
lips and tongue. I’d wanted the flavour of the scotch because I
truly did miss that taste but wasn’t prepared for the surge of
desire that shot through me as his tongue roamed my mouth. The groan
that escaped my lips was probably obscene, and he didn’t misread it
for a second. Unfortunately, his interpreting it correctly didn’t
do me any good at all.
“Cara,
no. You are too close to your term. I will not risk it.” He
hauled himself off the couch and walked out the front door, calling
the dogs to follow him. We’d gotten past his earlier refusal to
have sex whilst I was pregnant, but now that I was within weeks of
delivery, he’d terminated all such contact until Sharon gave me the
all clear after the baby was born. I went to bed and cried myself to
sleep …again.
NOTES
RTIQ
Room Temperature Intelligence Quotient ...not very smart.
