Be My Lover – Part Two

Lonesome Standard Time

by Reagan Kavanagh

When you hear them old sad songs,
Do you hang on every word?
Do you swear a cryin' fiddle
Has the sweetest sound on earth?
If you shudder at the music
Of a hoot owl in the pines
You're on lonesome standard time.

“Lonesome Standard Time.”  Kathy Mattea, Lonesome Standard Time (1992)

This work of adult fiction, loosely based on characters portrayed by Russell Crowe, includes adult language and experiences; you have been warned.  No copyright infringement on the original work is intended.  © Reagan Kavanagh 2006.

Author’s Note:  “Be My Lover” has been in progress (on an admittedly intermittent basis) since the summer of 2006, and was written as time permitted.  As a result of the time span involved, this mini-arc was initially in three segments, and a great deal of redundancy was apparent in what would have been parts two and three.  My sincere thanks go to Diana for her EXTENSIVE editing and pulling parts two and three into one, comprehensible, and non-repetitive unit.  If you enjoy this section, Diana’s editing expertise is a major contributor to that fact.  Reagan

MAXIMUS

I had become aware of Dino’s involvement with a woman other than Ellen Hughes on the morning several weeks past when he arrived at the office wearing what he terms his ‘office suit.’   He was fatigued and much the worse for wear on that occasion; it was clear he had been philandering the night before and had not spent the night in his own bed.  I know of nothing save infidelity that can make a man look so fatigued unless he has been in battle; that was clearly not the case in this instance.  I did not approve but said nothing, keeping my silence with him that day as I struggled to remind myself of my personal philosophy.  I find that in this day I often require time to return to my Stoic upbringing; I have no right to comment in those areas which do not directly concern me.  I surmised that the infatuation with this woman would run its natural course and end in due time.  It was my hope Ellen would never learn of it.

I became aware of Dino’s distress this day when he shouted for Sooze.  There was a ragged note of panic in his voice, one that bespoke of physical harm.  I bolted from my chair and rushed to his office to find Terry in the door and Sooze running down the hallway toward us.  Dino had collapsed over his desk, and when Terry and I straightened him to a sitting position, his hand was clutched midway on his chest. 

I feared the worst and felt strongly that the roots of his ailment on this day had its roots in his association with the woman he had been seeing these past weeks.  I had interpreted his subdued behaviour in the office recently to indicate remorse at his betrayal of Ellen; it would not surprise me if his guilt were a contributing factor in this crisis.  Sadly, I am not unfamiliar with guilt and its manifestations.  I doubt many are devoid of such experiential knowledge.

We got him to hospital without the need for CPR whilst in transit.  Dino was taken to a treatment room immediately on arrival at the trauma centre.  Terry accompanied him inside, and I awaited Sooze in the corridor; she had gone to park the car and had no notion of which room to seek on her entry.  Medical attendants were thronged round the stretcher on which Dino lay.  They immediately placed an oxygen tube into his nostrils to aid his breathing and opened his shirt before attaching what I learnt were leads to a heart monitor.  Following that, they cut his shirt off him.  Someone drew numerous tubes of blood and left for the laboratory as Terry, Sooze, and I watched.  One of the physicians turned a few moments later and walked to us to speak.

“I assume you three are friends of Mr. O’Reilly’s.”  Terry nodded as Sooze spoke.  She is an amazingly competent woman, one I greatly respect and admire.

“We’re his colleagues and his emergency contacts.  I have his medical power of attorney should you need it.”  The physician – D. Mills, M. D. according to his name badge – nodded.

“With an admitting complaint of sudden and severe onset of chest pain, my first concern was an MI.  That’s not the problem; both his heart rate and blood pressure are significantly elevated, but those are normal physiological responses to pain.  His heart is sound as far as I can tell at the  moment, and I’m thinking we may be looking at an epigastric problem.”  That meant nothing to any of us; I am certain the looks on our faces told him of our ignorance.

“I think he has a gastric ulcer.  They can cause severe pain, and that pain often radiates upward.  It’s not uncommon for an ulcer patient to be admitted with what he or she interprets as an MI …a heart attack.  I’m going back in there and tell my patient it isn’t his day to die, and you three need to have a seat in the waiting area.  I’ll come find you as soon as I know something more definitive.”  We had been dismissed and made our way to the chairs in the lobby.

DENTON MILLS, M. D.

I got Mr. O’Reilly’s friends out of my trauma room and returned to my patient.

“Mr. O’Reilly, you can relax a little …it’s not your day to die.  You are NOT having a heart attack.”  That got me a ghost of a smile. 

“Have you had any indigestion recently?  Any burning or other discomfort that you associated with your gut?”  He nodded and started to tug at the O2 feed in his nose.  I shook my head at him. 

“Leave it there for the present; it’s not doing you any damage.  Why don’t you tell me about that discomfort, and start at the beginning.”

“We’ve been through a reorganization at the firm …brought Ms. Vega-Robertson in as a partner.  Had to redo the company charter and all the corporate documents.  I’ve spent half my time for the last couple of months with our attorneys.  I’ve also had several business trips that were pretty rough.”

“What else?  Have you been getting enough rest?”  Interesting …that last question brought a definite guilty look to his face.  He didn’t seem to want to talk about it, but I could wait him out.  What’s the saying from one of those TV cop shows?  As hard as it is to tell a secret, it’s even harder to keep it.  That’s the look I was getting.  There were two nurses still in the room; perhaps if I got rid of them, he’d feel more like having a man-to-man talk.

“Brenda, you and Julie can get back to your other patients.  We’ve got Mr. O’Reilly stabilized, and if he decides to make a liar out of me and crash, I’ll get you back in here.”  They took off, and I looked back at my patient.

“So …have you been getting enough rest?  Any other undue stress that you’ve had lately?”  He looked at me for a minute, and then the tension that had kept his body stiff as a board since admission drained away, and he relaxed.

“Not getting enough rest …not even close.  I’ve been seeing a young woman for a little over a month; it’s been pretty intense.”  I nodded.

“What else?”  You’d have to have been blind not to see the pain in his eyes, and now it was emotional pain, not physical.

“I’m involved with a woman in East Texas – she’s my age – and it’s serious.  She’s an attorney and has been working a major case for the past few months; we’ve only seen each twice during all that time.  I never thought I’d miss her so much.  I ….”  His voice broke and tears pooled in his eyes. 

“Jesus, Doc, I’m so fucking in love with her that I can’t stand it, and I’ve never even told her.  I don’t know why the fuck I started up with Melody …she’s a kid.  Maybe it’s just because she was there …, fuck, Man, I don’t even know anymore.”  I pulled a stool over to the table, sat beside him, and squeezed his shoulder.

“Tell me about the physical symptoms you’ve been having.  Let’s see if we can put this in context.  When did the stomach pain start and show me exactly where it hurts.”  He pointed to just left and above the waist, right below his ribs.  Yep, this man has an ulcer or a fissure.  I’d stake my career on it.

“It started with burning, like indigestion, but I never have indigestion.  It got worse and then started aching at all times of the day and night.”

“Has it ever been severe enough to wake you from sleep?”

“Yeah …the last week.”

“When did it get to the point that you couldn’t handle the pain?”

“This morning.  I was at my desk, and all of a sudden it felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut with a hot knife.”  Uh-huh.  If the man didn’t have an ulcer, he was well on his way.

“Mr. O’Reilly, I think you either have a gastric fissure or an actual ulcer …the pain is pretty much the same.  Let’s check your belly.” 

He nodded; I stood and palpated his stomach.  I knew when I’d found it because he flinched, and the muscles in his abdomen tightened in the usual pain response.  Ulcers and fissures are like any other sore because that’s what they are, and they hurt when you poke at them. 

“We need to get a few tests, but based on your symptoms, I think this is something medication and rest will clear up pretty quickly.  And for what it’s worth to you …men our age really can’t keep up with 20-something women.”  He finally smiled.

“I’m going to go tell your buddies to stand down, and that I suspect you have an ulcer.  We’ll get you checked into a room and get those tests going.”  He nodded, and I went to give his friends the update. 

SNAPSHOTS

Three individuals standing under the portico at the Emergency Entrance at Baylor Medical Centre, all smoking whilst cell phones are clapped to their ears.

Three cell phones snapped shut.  Sooze rolled her eyes, and Max and Terry breathed sighs of relief at having once prevailed in their will over that of their respective feminine partners.

DINO

I guess confession is good for the soul.  I didn’t enjoy the pain – physical or emotional – but that’s a small price to pay for the way I fucked up on this one.  Dealing with Ellie – assuming she’ll give me a chance to explain – is an entirely different matter.

Why had I done it?  What was the attraction Melody had for me aside from the fact that a woman 20 years my junior made an obvious play for me?  Realistically, it was a hell of an ego trip, and I’m no different than any other man.  For a while there I’d wondered if I was falling in love with her.  I’d finally realized I wasn’t, and when I saw Ellie’s number on my cell last night, the reality that I love her and the accompanying guilt for having betrayed her trust came crashing down on me like the Walls of Jericho.  There’s nothing like having been raised Catholic and serving as an altar boy for giving you a really good handle on guilt.

I hadn’t gone home when I left Melody’s apartment but to Max’s old loft.  I didn’t even get into the bed, just sat in the dark in the living room, drinking straight scotch and smoking until dawn.  I’d cleaned up and was in the office before seven.  Two hours later found me in the fucking hospital.  Talk about your destructive coping mechanisms …I have all of them.  Booze, cigarettes, sleepless nights, women who are too young for me, and cheating on the woman I do love.  How fucked up is that?  The double doors to the trauma room swung open, and mis amigos minus Sooze walked in shoulder-to-shoulder.  Terry looked at Max, and he nodded.

“Mate, we haven’t called Ellie yet as we didn’t know what you’d want.  Do you want one of us to call her?”  I took a deep breath …it didn’t hurt.  Morphine’s a good thing.

“Yeah.  Someone should.”  Max looked at me.

“I will return to the office and call Cassandra.  I promised I would keep her updated.  As she and Ellen are old friends, I think it best she be available should Ellen despair.  After speaking with my wife, I will put in a conference call for myself, Cassandra, and Ellen.  I will call you once I have spoken with Ellen.”  As usual for Max, that was a pretty emotionless recitation.  He lightened up a bit with his next comment. 

“Dino, make an effort not to worry unduly.  Remember that Ellen loves you; she will be at your side throughout this ordeal.”  Man, he’s the master of double entendre.  I managed to smile.

“Thanks, Buddy.”

ELLEN

I hung up the phone after calling both his cell and his condo and getting no answer; I left messages on his voice mail.  The last half-a-dozen times I’d talked to Dino he seemed unable to get off the phone fast enough.  I didn’t get the impression that he didn’t want to talk to me; my gut said he couldn’t talk to me.

I know about guilt; she’s been my constant companion for more years that I care to recall.  Everything in Dino’s voice – especially this new evasiveness – screamed guilt.  The only question was the reason for that guilt; I had a pretty good idea as to its origin …I just didn’t know her name.  Frankly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know her name.

I really wanted to talk to Reags, but I knew she’d probably be in bed by now.  She’s in the last half of her pregnancy, and she tires easily.  Maybe I’d call her tomorrow after court; maybe I wouldn’t.

I got myself a drink and wandered to the stereo, turning it on before flipping through my CDs.  Kathy Mattea.  Man, that CD’s older than dirt.  Lonesome Standard Time.  I popped it into the player and turned up the volume, sitting to listen as that rich, full, alto voice took over the room.

Do you feel a kindred spirit
To the sound of pourin' rain?
Does your heart start to yearnin'
When you hear a distant train?
If you'd like to take that train and ride
To someone left behind,
You don't need the wind to tell you
You're on lonesome standard time.

Do you sit alone and think about
An old love from the past?
Do you feel a bit more empty
Every time you raise your glass?
If the memory of his kisses
Sends a shiver up your spine …
You don't need a watch to tell you,
You're on lonesome standard time.

When you hear them old sad songs
Do you hang on every word?
Do you swear a cryin' fiddle
Has the sweetest sound on earth?
If you shudder at the music
Of a hoot owl in the pines …
You're on lonesome standard time.

There's a bigger clock a tickin',
It crosses every zone.
The first time your old heart broke
Was the time you turned it on.
It don't never need a windin'
'Cause if it works like mine,
Well there ain't no doubt about it
You're on lonesome standard time.

When you hear them old sad songs
Do you hang on every word?
Do you swear a cryin' fiddle
Has the sweetest sound on earth?
If you shudder at the music
Of a hoot owl in the pines,
You're on lonesome standard time.

Well if you shudder at the music
Of a hoot owl in the pines …
You're on lonesome standard time.

That was for damned sure.  I like country music, and I’m entitled to like it; I grew up in the East Texas piney woods, and we’re country here.  My own reality is that I’m still a country girl at heart in the same way Dino’s still a country boy.  Perhaps that had been part of our attraction for each other; we had the same underlying frame of reference.  Yes, I’m well educated.  I have a baccalaureate degree in Criminal Justice from Texas A&M University and a J.D. from South Texas College of Law with a specialty in forensics …that last part – the forensics – is probably because of my association with Reags.  During the time I was with the DA’s office in Houston, I’d tried more predatory criminals than I cared to recall; I'd either put the majority of them away for life or arranged their introduction to a needle.

The hoot owl in the pines …I have one of the bastards living in one of the fucking pine trees at the back of my property.  Wouldn’t you know the son-of-a-bitch hooted just as the song ended?  I felt the tears gather in my eyes, downed the rest of my drink and refilled my glass – made that one a double – and yes, I did feel even lonelier, if that was humanly possible.

I didn’t need to ask myself how we let this happen, because I knew the answer to that one.  We both put our jobs before our relationship; we were both used to doing that, and old habits died hard.  The answer I needed and didn’t have was why we let this happen.  I let the player run and went to bed, finished the drink and cried myself to sleep.  Oh, Dino ….

*

I was in court when the phone rang the next morning.  Well, it didn’t ring, because I had it on vibrate.  You learn early in a legal career to turn off the sound when you’re in court unless you want to be fined for contempt.  I pulled it from my pocket as soon as we were in noon recess and checked the display …Max.  I hit the ‘connect’ button, and he answered on the first ring.

Dino was in the hospital and apparently asking for me.  He’d collapsed at the office early this morning, and they’d rushed him to Baylor Medical Center.  All Max would tell me immediately was that Dino was stable for the moment.  He wanted a conference call with Reags on the phone and asked if I was in the office.  I wasn’t but said I would be within five minutes.  He said he’d call me there as soon as he could set up the conference.

*

I had to call Bobby Presley before leaving town.  Failing to do so would be a breach of both professional responsibility to my client and the Court, as well as professional ethics and would – at best – result in my being hauled before the Disciplinary Committee; at worst, it could cost me my license to practice law.

“Judge Presley here.”

“Bobby, it’s Ellie.  I’m turning over the case to Lucas.  I have an emergency that I have to deal with, and I’m on my way out of town.”

“Well, Honey, that might be a problem.  You know this case has the potential to go up the ladder to Federal Court.  I’m not sure ….”

“Bobby, Dino’s in the hospital.  He collapsed at his desk this morning, and they rushed him to Baylor Medical Center; they think he’s had a heart attack.  I have to go!”  When you’re extricating yourself from a criminal courts proceeding, you make the reason sound as dire as possible.

“Well, why didn’t you just say that, Ellie?  We’ll make it right down here, so you just take off, and don’t worry about us.  Tell that ol’ boy I said to take care, and give me a ring to let me know how he’s doing.”

“I will, Bobby.  Thanks.”  I left all the relevant documents with my secretary for Lucas to pick up and was out the door.  Half-an-hour later I was on the road to Dallas, remembering to call Lucas from my car.

*

Max was in Dino’s room when I walked in; he stood, and we went back out to the hall to talk.  I looked back over my shoulder at a man who looked exhausted even in sleep.

“How’s he doing?”

“He is stable and has been asleep this past hour.  An endoscopy has been scheduled for tomorrow morning; the doctor expects a confirmed diagnosis of an ulcer at that time.  They have checked for bleeding and found none; that is a good sign as it means the ulcer – if that is the problem – has not perforated the wall of his stomach and will not require surgery.  At present the doctor feels his collapse to have been precipitated by overwork and fatigue and the concomitant stress accompanying those factors.”

The doctor thinks it’s an ulcer.  Apparently, they can cause enough pain to make you feel like you’re having a heart attack.  I found that perversely amusing.  He’s been cheating on me and a fucking ulcer makes his heart ache?  If you’ve ever been in the position of being so hurt and angry with someone you’d like to kill them while simultaneously wanting to kiss their feet because they were safe and you loved them so much, you’ll get an idea of what I was feeling at that point.

Max put one arm around my shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes.  “Ellen, he has had a bad fright; he will require time to adjust to this harbinger of his mortality.  We have been told that ulcers are easily dealt with, and once past this incident, he will do well.  I know these last months and the necessary separation both your jobs have demanded has been difficult for the two of you.  Perhaps this would be a time for both of you to reflect on your individual and joint desires and come to an agreement of sorts.” 

Wow!  That was the closest I’d ever known Max to come to giving anyone advice.  I had the feeling he knew everything that I didn’t; I also knew I would never hear it from him, and I appreciated his loyalty to Dino.  I was very serious when I answered.

“Maybe you’re right, Max …maybe you’re right.”  I shooed him back to work until it was time to get me settled for the night.  I’d talk to Reags early the next morning.  I squared my shoulders and went in to sit with Dino.

*

They had Dino sedated, and he was in and out of consciousness; the doctor came in to talk to me, and I felt much better when he left.  He said I could stay for a while this evening, but wanted me out before eight; he was of the opinion that Dino needed rest.  Gee, ya think?

I was sitting in the chair next to Dino’s bed working when he opened his eyes.  Lucas had gotten right on his questions for cross examination for tomorrow morning and e-mailed them to me for review.  If I thought he’d missed anything, he wanted to know ASAP.  Lucas is a good attorney – five years out of law school – and honestly has more potential than any baby lawyer I’ve ever known, present company excluded.  Palestine was fortunate that he was a home-town boy and wanted to stay there.  Dino didn’t speak, but I felt his eyes on me and looked up at him, closing my laptop and placing it on the bedside table.

“Hey, Fella.  You think it’s worth scaring me half to death just to get me to come to the big city for a few days?”  He fumbled for my hand in his drugged state, and I took it, moving to sit beside him on the bed.  His voice was low when he spoke.

“Oh, God …Ellie, I didn’t have a prayer that you’d actually be here.”

“You knew I would, Dino.”

“Not after what I’ve done.  I ….”  I put my fingers over his lips to stop the words.  I knew, but I didn’t need a confession.  That wouldn’t do either of us any good right now.  He was tired and didn’t need to go through the details now any more than I wanted to hear them. 

I hugged Dino and kissed him.  “Dino, I love you …and if the look in your eyes is any indication, I think you love me.  We all do things we regret …we all stumble, and we all fall.  It’s been my experience that when a couple has problems, there’s usually more than enough blame to go around.  If you do love me – and I do still love you, no ‘if’ about that – we need to work on figuring out how we can spend more time together in spite of our jobs.”  I do love him, and he’s worth the effort it will take to survive this bump in the road.  I know he loves me, and I wouldn’t want him if he were perfect; I’m not up to that level of toil.

“You need to know ….”

“No, Honey, I don’t need to know, and I don’t want to know.  It’s over.  It’s history, and it won’t be changed by talking about it.  If you feel a need to confess, I’ll find you a priest, but I don’t need to hear it.  If we’re going to make a go of this relationship, we need to move on from here.  Let it go, Dino.”

That was it for that afternoon.  I watched him sleep until the nurse came in to tell me it was time to leave.

*

Max took me to dinner and then led me to the firm’s loft, giving me the key card for the indoor parking lot after keying the gate and my following him up to the parking spot.  I pulled into the designated spot, and he double-parked his car behind mine before taking me into the building and to the loft he’d lived in before moving in with Reags.  He apologized for the Spartan furnishings, saying he hadn’t needed a great deal when he lived here.  Even though the firm maintained it as guest quarters, the place wasn’t used often, and the firm hadn’t bothered to dress it up.  It looked fine to me; the austerity suited my mood. 

He gave me the door key and kissed me on the cheek before leaving and told me to call him at home if I needed anything.  I sent my love to Reags; he said she’d come in with him tomorrow and stay with me at the hospital.  They would stop here and pick me up; we’d drop Max at the office, and Reags and I would take his car on to Baylor.  After I closed and locked the door, I wondered briefly if bringing Reags in tomorrow was Max’s discreet way of keeping me from killing Dino.

I unpacked and put my clothes in the dresser and closet and took off my suit, changing into cut-offs and a t-shirt before padding back downstairs and turning on the TV for the ten o’clock news.  The news anchors were familiar; we get the feed from Tyler in Palestine, and they carry channel eight from Dallas.  I found a bottle of scotch in the kitchen pantry and made myself a drink, finished it just after the news was over, and shut down the place before going upstairs to bed.  I didn’t sleep a lot that night.

*

The doorbell rang at seven-thirty, and I picked up my travel mug and laptop and headed out the door.  Max and Reags were in the hallway, and I got a huge hug from her.  I had to laugh because her belly was big enough now that I had to lean in to kiss her cheek; we laughed all the way to the car as Max smiled benevolently.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man who looked forward to fatherhood as much as he does.  It’s a beautiful thing to see. 

I’d anticipated their bringing Max’s Bentley and was surprised to see Reags’ Hummer parked behind my car.  Max spoke as he handed both of us into the monster.

“I realised that neither of you would be comfortable in the back seat of my car.  I also prefer Cassandra driving her own car in the city as it offers greater protection than does mine.”  Uh-huh …and it cost a quarter of what the Bentley did in case we had a pile-up.  Reags couldn’t let that pass without comment.

“Sure he does, Ellie.  And if I wreck the Hummer, it’s cheaper to repair than his Bentley.”  We all laughed again, but the chagrined look on Max’s face told me that was at least part of his logic.

“Are you sure you can park this monster at Baylor?”

“No wurries.  Remember that I’ve parked it all over downtown Dallas as well as on campus since late winter, and space is at a premium in those locations.  I can probably get this baby into any slot that would accommodate the Bentley.”  I’d believe that when I saw it.  And wouldn’t you know, she could?  She maneuvered that sucker into a space I’d probably have struggled to get my Explorer into and did it in two quick moves.  It suddenly dawned on me that she’d learned to drive a Hummer when she was still in the Army.

We trekked into the hospital and detoured by the cafeteria before heading to Dino’s room.

“I need to talk to you before I see Dino.”

We got coffee and found a table.  She took a sip of her coffee. 

“I’m listening.”

There’s no need to beat around the bush with Reags, so I just said it.

“Dino’s had an affair.”

“I suspected as much.”

“Do you know anything about it?”

“Other than her name, no.  I didn’t ask, and he didn’t offer the data.”

“Does Max know?”

“Probably, but he’ll never say a word to me unless I ask – which I won’t – and as I’m your oldest friend, I don’t see Dino confiding in me.”

“Would you have told me if you’d known before this blew up in our faces?”

“It’s highly unlikely.  You know me, Ellie.  I don’t meddle in other people’s business.  It isn’t my place.  If Dino had hit on me, I’d have chewed his arse from here to Ancient Rome and back twice, but I’d not have told you.  My take is that his fall from grace was borne of loneliness, and Melody offered herself up on a platter.  He’s a man.  He took her up on it.  He loves you, and I’d bet a lot of money he’s in the hospital as a result of his guilt.”

“Melody …as in Melody Williams?”

“One and the same.  How angry are you at me for introducing them?”  I laughed.  That was so like Reags.  She’s as good at that Catholic guilt thing as Dino.

“Not at all.  Jesus, Reags, they met at your wedding. How could I be angry about that?  As you said, I know you.  Do you think it’s over between them?”

“I’d bet my last dime it is and that he’ll not make the same mistake again, ever.”

*

We got to Dino’s room just as he was finishing breakfast.  I’ve seen some uncomfortable looks on men’s faces in my time, but Dino looked like he wanted to crawl under the bed.  Reags gave him a peck on the cheek and said she was going downstairs for breakfast; she’d be back in a while.  Sure, she would.  I’d probably have to get a bloodhound to track her down if I saw her before lunch.

*

“I don’t know where to start, Ellie, and I don’t know why you even bothered to come.”

“I came because I love you, you idiot.”  He looked away from me and out the window.

“God alone knows why …I sure as shit don’t deserve you.”

“Sure you do.  Every man needs someone to chew his ass on occasion, and you got lucky and found me.”  He turned back to me with a ghost of a smile on his face.  I moved from where I’d been standing by the door and sat on the side of the bed.

“Dino, I love you, and I know you’re not perfect; I'm not perfect either.  No one is.  Once you accept those realities, everything else really does fall into place pretty easily.”  I leaned in and cupped his face in my hands, looking into his eyes before I kissed him.  I felt his arms go around me, and for the second time in 18 hours, I was up against that solid chest I’d missed so much, and both of us were crying.

I think we both felt better after that, and I turned to look at his breakfast tray.

“I guess the fact that you’ve had breakfast means they did the endoscopy first thing.” 

“Yeah …bastards had me downstairs at six-thirty.  I didn’t think it was scheduled until sometime after seven, but I was back here by seven-thirty.  Don’t remember a thing after the needle went in my arm.  Now I know what Reags and Terry mean when they say Versed is good shit.”  I could only imagine the verbal diarrhea he’d have had if they hadn’t had a tube down his throat.  Versed does that for you; I’ve been around a couple of times when friends were coming out of it.  He looked out the window again and took a deep breath before turning back to me.

“Wish I had some Versed now …I could say it all and not remember the look of pain and disgust on your face.”

“Dino …I know what happened, and I know with whom it happened.  I don’t want the gory little details any more than you want or need to supply them right now. 

“Reags and I had a talk before I came up here – she’s probably down the hall in the lounge and will stay there until I go and get her – and she confirmed what I suspected.  I just didn’t know who the woman was; after you left her house the night Melody was there and then didn’t have time to see her and Max socially for six weeks, she figured it out on her own.  All I really got from her was Melody’s name.

“I won’t say that I don’t care that it happened because that would be a lie.  What I do care about is that it’s over, and I don’t think it will happen again.  Your Catholic conscience is way too guilt-ridden for that.”  He finally smiled a little …I’d hit the mark with that last comment. 

“If you really feel you have to give me the down-and-dirty on it, wait until you’re out of the hospital, and we’re home.  I’m not going anywhere.  I love you, warts and all.  Don’t you know that by now?”

That’s when he lost it; the earlier tears had primed the pump.  I crawled up on the hospital bed with him, and he pulled me into his arms with both of us crying.  As Reags has often said, tears can be very healing.

DINO

She hadn’t walked out on me.  Fuck if I know why she loves me, but she must see something inside me worth salvaging, something she believes is worth the expenditure of her time and energy in putting up with me.  What I do know is that I’ll be eternally grateful for her understanding that I’m a man, nothing more, and that I gave in to temptation and the opportunity for an easy lay.  I’ve promised myself I’ll never be that stupid again, and I won’t.  I’ve never known a woman like Ellie.  She’s all the world to me, and I’m not going to run the risk of losing her again.  I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much.

I’d thought I was in love with Sherry all those years ago.  As the years have rolled by, I’ve realized I was infatuated with her.  Kids are like that, and we were kids when we met.  I know now that adults get infatuated, too.  Melody is living, breathing proof of that.  The difference is that every second I spent with Melody or thinking about her, I felt like a son-of-a-bitch.  I felt like I think I would if Ellie and I had been married, and I was fucking around on her.  I didn’t like that feeling.

It would have been so easy for Ellie to walk away and not look back.  She’s beautiful, she’s incredibly intelligent, she’s funny, she’s easy to be with, and I’ve seen the way men look at her.  All she’d ever have to do is smile, and she could have any man she wanted.  Well, any man other than Max or Terry.  Reags and Dee have those two hearts in vise-grips, and I can’t imagine anyone or anything loosening their grip.  Ellie has my heart in her own pair of vise-grips, and I’m hoping she keeps it there. 

For the first time I’ve begun to realize what Max and Terry have in Reags and Dee and to really begin to have an appreciation for it.  I also know beyond any doubt that I want that for myself.  I want – dammit, I need – the comfort and stability of knowing there was someone in this world that would put me first, someone to whom I was more important than anyone or anything else. 

I wanted Ellie to be that someone, and if I had to crawl naked over razor wire and ground glass to get to her and keep her, I was willing to do it.  For the first time in my entire selfish life, I wanted to take care of someone and protect her.  I wanted to cherish her.  I wanted to do what Max and Reags had promised last October …I wanted to forsake all others and keep myself only unto her.  I wanted Ellen Marie Hughes to be Mrs. Dean Patrick O’Reilly. 

I knew this wasn’t the time to ask her.  She’d called it when she said we needed to hammer out a way to spend more time together.  We’d both been good at jumping when our jobs called, but we weren’t nearly as good at jumping when our relationship called.

*

I called Max the day before leaving the hospital and asked if he could come by my room that evening.  I needed to ’fess up to him; I don’t like it when one of my partners has reason to think less of me.  I knew he would never approve of the fling with Melody, but I also knew him well enough as a man to know that if he had the facts he wouldn’t think I was quite as much of a prick as he did probably right now.  I’d told a white lie to Ellie – that Max was coming by to go over some shit from the office – and she and Reags left the room as soon as he got there.

*

He sat in one of the two chairs in the room, and I sat in the other.

“Max, I need to be straight with you.  You have a right to know what was going on.”

“Dino, I would not presume to meddle in your private life.  It is not my business.”

“It may not be any of your business, but I want you to know.  You’ve covered my ass by keeping your mouth shut.  I’ve been a total prick, but that’s over.  Any man who can’t admit that he’s made a mistake and change his behavior ain’t much of a man.”  He gave me that inscrutable look he’s got down to perfection; I suspect there’s more going on behind that face than anyone will ever know, possibly even Reags.

“I tried to tell Ellie, and she said it didn’t matter because it was history.  She offered to get me a priest if I wanted to confess.  It’s been a long time since I was in the Confessional, and I’d hate for lightning to strike the Church just because I walked through the door.  Next to a priest, you’re my best bet …you get to hear it all.”  He sat back and crossed his legs, one ankle resting on the other knee.

“If that is your wish, I will hear it; however, you should be advised that any required absolution is between you and your Christian God.  The sins on my own soul are far too dark to judge another.” 

Jesus, the man even sounds like a priest!  An hour later Max knew everything that had happened from the second I walked into his house and saw Melody to the night I left her apartment in shame.  He didn’t tell me I was a bastard, and that surprised me because he can be an insufferable prig at times.  What did shock the hell out of me was what he told me about his first life. 

I’d never known about the problems he’d had with his first wife, his suspecting that his son wasn’t his child.  I hadn’t known that he’d put Ethelinde’s husband in a position that would get him killed.  I’d never known about the David and Bathsheba thing with Ethelinde’s husband, and I knew damned well Terry didn’t know any of it.  Max told me some of the basics of his philosophy of life and said he’d get me a copy of Enchiridion.  I promised to read it.  He finally leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees and looked over at me.

“Dino, it has been my experience – in both lives – that men are far weaker both in flesh and in moral courage than women; we delude ourselves if we believe otherwise.  Do not underestimate Ellen’s ability to understand and look beyond this transgression.  Those of us who consider ourselves good men give into our lustful cravings whilst truly good women withhold themselves.  It has always been thus and will likely always be so. 

“I have learnt much from my own mistakes and paucity of judgment.  In furtherance of that I have not judged you; to do so would be an aberration of my philosophy, of all that I hold dear.  Whilst I may not always approve of your actions, it is not my place to judge you, and I will not do so.  I can judge no one but myself, as I can change the actions of none but myself.  What I cannot change, I must discharge else it will destroy me. 

“You are my friend and are dear to me in that regard; I love you as I would a brother.  You are my colleague and respected for your abilities.  I will stand at your side and support you as best I am able.  If you seek my counsel, I can tell you only what I believe I would do in a similar situation; I cannot tell you which path to walk.  That is your decision and yours alone.”  He cocked his head at me and smiled before continuing.

“May I offer a bit of insight I have gained over the time I have lived with my first wife and now Cassandra?”

“Jesus, Buddy, I wish to hell you would.”

“Never delude yourself that you will put anything past Ellen.  From whence they derive it I do not know, but women have powers of perception that are unfathomable to men.  If they know us at all, they will spot a lie before it has finished leaving our lips.  They scent treachery whilst it is yet a vapour; they know our weaknesses long before – if ever – we see them in ourselves. 

“I tell you this for one reason.  If Ellen should ever ask you for the entire truth of this matter between you and Melody Williams, do not lie to her.  She will catch you in it, and the cost will likely be more than you can bear.”  The Old Roman doesn’t often spill his guts, but on the occasions he does, it’s wise to listen.  He stood and shook my hand before leaving the room. 

I’d gained a hell of a lot more respect for the man over the last hour than I’d ever had before today.  Terry and I call him the Old Roman, and that’s an accurate descriptor.  What I hadn’t realized until this afternoon was that his philosophy of life transcended time.  This old world would be a lot better off if more men believed – and behaved – like Max.

REAGAN

I didn’t ask, but Max surprised me, telling me the whole story when we got home that night.  He hadn’t called my cell during the day, and he had Terry drop him off at the hospital on his way home to Dee.  Ellie and I went downstairs for coffee and left him alone with Dino.  We had a late dinner when we got home, and he sat heavily when we went to the lounge.  He took a sip of his brandy and looked at me.

“Dino has confided in me.  He did not ask that I not speak of it to you.  Had he not wished you to know, I believe he would have sworn me to silence.  I wish to tell you of his comments if you are of a mind to hear them.  I would appreciate your insights.”

“If you don’t think it will be breaking his confidence, I’m willing to listen.  Max?  Before you unburden yourself, do us both a favour.  Call Dino and ask his permission.  I’d feel a lot better if you would.”  He nodded.

“As would I.”  He picked up the phone and dialled the hospital – we both had the number memorised since Dino’s hospitalisation – and spoke quickly with Dino.  He was smiling when he disconnected.

“He, too, would appreciate any insights you might offer.”  An hour later I knew everything Max did.  I was also ready to strangle Melody Williams.  If she weren’t such a superb student and with such promise as a research psychologist, I’d have done my best to have her dismissed from the program.  Thank God she had no plans for ever doing a clinical rotation, or practising, or of entering academia once out of grad school.  Her goal was pure research; as conniving as she is, she may be good at it …assuming someone keeps a watchful eye on her ethics and ensures she doesn’t data snoop and manipulate the results for her own purposes.  Much as I hate to acknowledge it, I think she’s entirely capable of doing precisely that.

If Melody was so unprincipled as to take advantage of seeing Dino in my home and then carry on an affair with him when she knew he was involved with Ellie, she had no business messing about with people’s lives in a clinical setting. 

She’s a psychologist for Christ’s sake; if she can’t spot a lonely and vulnerable man – and know better than to work it to her advantage, however temporary – she’s hopeless.  Worse, she’s unprincipled and potentially dangerous.  I would have a chat with her at the first opportunity; she’d best think long and hard about using me as a personal reference.

DINO

I was released from the hospital early the next morning with a shitload of prescriptions.  It may not have seemed like all that much to most people, but to someone who never takes anything other than aspirin?  Jesus!  Ellie was laughing her ass off at the look on my face.  I’d looked at the doc like he was crazy as he wrote and tore sheets off his prescription pad.  She took them away from me when he left the room.

“Close your mouth …a bug’s going to fly in there if you don’t.  I’ll run down to the pharmacy and leave these to be filled so we can pick them up on our way out the door.”  Prevacid …Soma …Trazadone …Zoloft.  Zoloft?  I recognized that one; it’s an antidepressant, even though I was in the dark on the others.  I’d give Reags a call and ask her about the others because the doc was long gone.

I wanted to go to Palestine when I checked out of Baylor.  Ellie had been gone too long and had given up too much for my sorry ass; I needed to show her how much I was willing to put into this relationship.  My doctor and she both vetoed that idea.  Dr. Mills didn’t want me to be that far from him in Dallas, and Ellie's reasoning was if we went to Palestine, she’d be right back in the middle of that fucking trial and not be able to spend any time with me.

Ellie and I went back to my condo.  Thank God I never brought Melody here; I wouldn’t have been able to walk through the door.  Ellie would stay and – to use Max’s words – ‘tend to me’ until the end of the following week; it would be the most time we’d spent together in months.  Terry had threatened to string me up by my balls if I darkened the door of TEO before she left town. 

ELLEN

Lucas was doing a great job in my absence; he sent nightly updates and always asked what suggestions I had.  Truthfully, I had none.  The kid is a damned fine attorney.  I was also getting e-mails from Bobby Presley every day or two; he was happy with Lucas’ ability, and coming from Bobby that was high praise indeed.

Dino and I spent a lot of time talking before I left for home.  He finally just asked if I wanted to know what had ‘happened.’  I love polite euphemisms.  I told him that if he absolutely had to tell me to appease his conscience, I’d listen, but I really didn’t want to hear it.  Thank God he read the tone in my voice and the look on my face and dropped it.

We made love, we cuddled, we talked about what we wanted in the future, individually and as a couple.  Dino has always been a kind and considerate lover, a really good lover; now I saw a side of him I hadn’t before.

He finally let me see the care and tenderness I’ve always known was somewhere inside of him.  It was as though he’d been afraid to let me see it until now.  Letting someone see your vulnerabilities is scary because once they know that side of you, they have the power to hurt you as no one else can.  We each let the other see that side of us.

I suppose both of us have had our emotional walls up all our adult lives.  God knows, I have.  I’ve been hurt – mainly my own doing – and I don’t ever want to go through that again.  He told me about Sherry and the pain and insecurity afterward that had followed him until now.

“For the first time in my life, you’ve made me understand that what I felt for Sherry wasn’t love; what I feel for you is.”  I cried when he said that.  He knows about my marriage and abortion, but I filled in all the blanks.  Reags has known my so-called history for years, but I was never able to tell my mother all of it.  It would have broken her heart.  Dino just held me closer.

“Ellie, that only makes you more human.  It also tells me why you understand what I’ve done …and it makes me love you more.”

I left for home four days later, promising I’d be back to Dallas that weekend.

DINO

I put it off until the morning Ellie left for Palestine, hearing her promise she’d be back on the weekend and believing her.  I went back inside and picked up the phone and sat there looking at it a long, fucking time before dialling.  She answered on the third ring.

“Hey, there, Honey.  How’ve you been?”

“I’m great, Dino, but this baby is all over the place.  I think I may be carrying the next world’s Black Belt Champion.  Of course Max thinks he’s going to play rugby and has probably already contacted Russell Crowe about a position with South Sydney in 2025.”  We laughed together, and I got down to business.

“Are you going to be home today?”

“No plans but for harassing the contractors into finishing the house before the start of the next Ice Age.  Why?”

“I thought I might drive down if you can stand me.  I owe you an apology, Reags.”

“You owe me nothing, Dino, but if you want to bare your soul, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener.  You know my ethical code as well as my personal morality …what’s said in the room, stays in the room.”

“That’s one reason I want to talk to you.  I’m on my way …what sounds good to you for lunch?  I can bring take-away or take you to HoJo’s when I get there.”  She laughed out loud at that one. 

“Are you trying to cater to my cravings?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely, Honey.  What do you want me to bring?”

“Is there a Church’s Fried Chicken anywhere between your place and here?”  The tone in her voice was just this side of wistful.

“There will be before I knock on your door.  White meat, dark, or combination?”  She laughed again.

“White for me; get whatever you want for yourself.  I’ll make potato salad and coleslaw, and we’ll pretend it’s Sunday dinner.”

“You got yourself a deal, Honey, but I’ll bring the sides.  See you in about an hour.”

*

I drove up in front of the house almost exactly an hour later, and the pups were bouncing at the fence.  It was good to see them again, and I grinned as Reags opened the door and waddled the two steps toward me.  I hadn’t seen her other than when she’d popped in at the hospital since the last time I was down here, and we all know what that visit precipitated.

I’d called Max before leaving home to let him know I was going down to apologize to Reags for having been such an ass.  He laughed and said Reags wasn’t angry at me, but that if I felt the need to confess, I should feel free to make a fool of myself.

“Dino!  For someone who scared all of us shitless, you look terrific …did Ellie’s cooking put the roses back in your cheeks?”

I flinched at the mention of Ellie, but of course Reags knew she’d been in Dallas since before I got out of the hospital and was scheduled to leave this morning.

“Her cooking helped …her forgiveness did a lot more.”  She closed the door behind me, and I walked through to the kitchen with her following.  She put one hand on my arm as I put the chicken and side dishes on the counter.

“Dino, she loves you, and you love her.  Everyone makes mistakes.  We all do things we regret.  As long as we learn from them and move on, there’s usually no lasting harm done.  You two had been apart for a long time; it was hard on both of you.”  I leaned back against the counter and looked at her.

“That’s true, but Ellie didn’t go out and find herself a young stud to keep her entertained in the interim.”

“No, she didn’t …but you weren’t exactly on a shopping trip yourself.  You promised Max you’d spend the night here because he was out of town; you didn’t know in advance that Melody would be here.”

“No, but once you told me she was here, I was looking forward to seeing her.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”  I took a deep breath, snagged a beer from the ‘fridge, and sat at Reags’ kitchen table.

“Reags, I didn’t have to call her the next day.  I was missing Ellie; I was hornier that that three-balled dog Tio talks about; and I was looking to get laid.  I got laid, but I got a shitload of guilt to go along with it.  I also came very close to fucking up the one honest relationship I’ve ever had in my life.” 

She pulled out the chair across from me and lowered herself into it.  I smiled.  There’s just something sweet about the way pregnant women move.

“But you didn’t fuck it up, Dino.  And I suspect what you and Ellie have now is a lot stronger than what you had previously.  Granted, you both went through Hell to get to that strong place, but both of you now realise that you have to MAKE time to be together.  Don’t you think the end result is likely worth it?”  The woman does know how to get to the heart of something.

“Yeah …maybe it is.  Reags?”

“Yeah, Dino?”

“I’m going to ask her to marry me.”  From the way she smiled, I think she approves.

*

I walked into Max’s office bright and early Monday morning and sat across from him with a cup of coffee in my hand.

“Need a favor from you, Buddy.”  He sat back in his chair, moving his hand to the phone and flipped on the intercom.

“Sooze, would you please intercept my calls and make the appropriate dispositions?”  He turned back to me.  “I see.  And what would that favour entail?”  Fortunately, he smiled as he asked.

“I’d like you to go shopping with me.”  His eyebrows went up.

“For what are you shopping?”

“A ring …diamond …solitaire …something in the neighborhood of two to three carats.  Ring any bells for you?”  His smile almost split his face in half.

“You have asked Ellen to marry you?”

“Not yet, but after this past weekend I have good reason to think she’ll say yes.  Since Tio had so much fun watching you blow your wad on Reagan’s ring, thought I’d let you laugh at me doing the same on Ellie’s.”

“It would be my pleasure, but please assure me this will not require a trip to New York.”

“Not a chance.  I’ve been talking to one of the salesmen at Bachendorf’s near the Galleria.  He’s got a couple of rings that are flat fucking beautiful.  I think Ellie would like either of them …and if she doesn’t, I’ll exchange the sucker.  Just thought you might like to come along and laugh at me.” 

“Did you have in mind a particular time for this outing?”  I looked at my watch.

“I have an appointment at eleven with one of their jewelers, and you don’t have anything on the calendar until three.  We need to leave here by 1015 to get there and parked.  I’m still not moving very fast.  Don’t want to keep them waiting on my money.”

“I shall be ready.  And Dino?”  He stood and reached across the desk, holding out his hand to me.  I took it; the strength of his grip felt good.

“Congratulations.  Ellen is a fine woman and will be a good wife.  You are fortunate to have found each other.”

“Thanks, Max.  Coming from you …well, that means a lot.”

Terry came in with his bottle of Cognac in hand; Sooze had the glasses.  I glanced at the phone on Max’s desk.  The bastard hadn’t flipped off the intercom after asking Sooze to hold his calls.

*

I had one more make good …Dee.  God, I was dreading it, but I owed it to Terry.  I’d promised him I’d talk to her, but I couldn’t until I’d made some sense of the aberration myself.  I could only imagine the tap dance he’d been doing and the strain it had caused them.  I'd wanted never to disappoint her again, but I was sure I had.

Terry had assured me she’d be schooling horses, whatever the hell that means, all day so I didn’t bother calling before I drove out.  She was riding Buck over some jumps when I pulled up the drive.  I sat in Baby for a while watching the dance they did together before she saw me get out with a drag in my step.

Her face went from overheated red to pale white as she folded onto Buck’s neck and slid from his back.  Junior was right there to be sure she kept her feet, holding Buck’s reins and walking him safely away from her as she hustled to me. 

Her breathing was fast, erratic, and shallow.  “How bad is he hurt?” she asked as she unbuckled her helmet and pulled it off. 

“Terry?”  Now that was a stupid response.  Who else could possibly make Dee this afraid?

“Why else would you come all this way with no phone call?”

“Unless he’s fallen out of his desk chair in the last 45 minutes, he’s fine.”  Her gloved fingers dug into my forearms so hard I could feel her nails as she reached for support to stay on her feet, but she gave me a weak smile as I ruffled her sweaty hair. 

“It’s always lurked in my subconscious that you or Max would show up here to give me any bad news.  I guess somewhere down the line I decided it would be you.  You can’t tell him how I reacted.  Ever.  Promise me.”

“Beautiful, your brave face will be the only thing he’ll ever know.”

She laughed a little.  “Why did you come all the way out here?  You can’t be feeling great yet.”

DIANA

Most of the time, I don’t even think about how dangerous Terry’s life is.  Seeing Dino walking slowly across the paddock reminded me of how in the armed forces an official car and two officers arrive with the official notification.  I flashed to the fact that it would be Dino who would tell me because he and Terry had been together for so long.  It wasn’t until later that I realized if Terry had been seriously injured or, God forbid, killed, Dino and Max would both be in the car.  I remembered when Max had come out to offer to help around the farm when Terry was away the first time after he’d moved in with me.  My first thought had been that Terry’d been injured, and I was mildly insulted when I learned Max's visit was to offer help to ‘the little woman.’

“I need to talk to you, Dee.”  Oh, shit.  I hate to hear those words.  At the very least, they mean bad news; with Terry’s health assured, it can’t be all that bad.  Dino’s using them because I’ve let him down in some way.

“Well, come on in and let me sit down to take my beating.”  I didn’t think too much about his odd look.

We settled on the sofa before I asked again, “So, how are you feeling?”

“Better, but I still get tired pretty easily.  You know my ulcer isn’t the virus type; it was caused by stomach acid eating away at me.”

“I didn’t know what caused it.  Ulcers are pretty treatable with meds or lifestyle changes these days, so I didn’t worry too much once the diagnosis was in.  I guess whatever started it is irrelevant.  Ellie knew if she needed help getting the pills down you once you got home, I was as close as a phone call.” 

“The lifestyle thing is what I need to explain to you, the how I ended up with the ulcer.  You may not think what caused it is irrelevant after you hear me out.  I didn’t want Terry telling you about it.  I didn’t want my stink transferring to him.”  I tried so hard to have my protective mask drop down; it didn’t work.  I felt my eyebrow try to crinkle up; my hand went up to rub it in the same unconscious manner Terry has.

Dino covered my hand and drew it away from my face.  “You two are getting more alike every day.

“You aren’t going to like what I need to tell you, but try to have an open mind.”  He sucked in air, blew it out, and started his tale.  “You know Ellie and I haven’t been seeing that much of each other lately.  Long distance relationships are hard, and we got so we weren’t talking but a few times a week.  Another woman came into the picture ….”  I hated what he was telling me.  My happy go lucky Dino who loved Ellie needed a quick root so he went to bed with the first available woman who came along?

“Why would you do that?”

“All of my reasons sound like excuses to me now.  I was stupid and didn’t know how to ask Ellie for what I wanted.  I expected her to know.  We got caught in how we’ve always operated as individuals and didn’t make enough time for each other.  I fu…”  Now that was almost a very poor choice of words. 

He tried again.  “My body wouldn’t let me get away with playing fast and loose with Ellie.  It brought me to my knees and forced Ellie and me to have a serious talk about what we want and where we go from here.  We’ve got it figured out.”

“You are still together?”  Oh, God!  I had assumed Ellie had gone home with him when he left the hospital as we hadn’t organized any help for him.  My smart remark about Ellie and me forcing pills down him would seem calloused if she had dumped him.

“Yes.  With more commitment than before.”  Whew. 

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Believe me, if I’d thought that was a chance in hell you wouldn’t have found out about this, I’d have never told you.  Terry worked so hard to keep you away when I asked him.”

“Keep me insulated, you mean.”  Like some fucking weak little girl.  Like Dad treated Mom.  Those were my unspoken thoughts.   I’ll let Ellie be as angry as she wants or not with Dino; he’s not my problem.  Oh yes.  Tonight Terry and I will be having a serious conversation.  Maybe by the time he walks in the door I’ll have calmed down some, and I can tell him why I’m strangling him.

“Hold on.”  Dino’s quick admonition told me my quick spike of anger had been visible.  “That’s precisely why I’m here, and Terry is not the one telling you about this.  I’m the one who fucked up.  Not him.  It was my sin to confess, not his to relay to you second hand.  If you need to beat on someone, beat on me.  It would make me feel a whole lot better if you did.  Just don’t hit me in the gut.

“I was starting to get myself out of the mess when I ended up at Baylor, and everything got condensed.  Terry didn’t want you at the hospital before Ellie could decide if she could forgive me.  As the aggrieved party, she had the right to know first and the right to choose the course she wanted to take.

“I also expect Terry had some secondary considerations – like he didn’t want you considering what he would do in the same situation without some reassurances; those couldn’t come until Ellie and I stabilized some.  I’m here to plead both our cases.    

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, but don’t condemn me.  In so many ways, you have such a traditional outlook about love and commitment.  You and Terry are a lot alike in how you view fidelity; you two are much stronger than I am.  Maybe you’ve been at it longer than I have.  Neither of you would let something as small as physical distance be the reason for you to stray.”

My earlier anger dissipated.  Terry knew me so well; he knew my first musing would be self-centered – could that happen to us?  He wasn’t trying to insulate me.  He wanted to be sure he knew the outcome – good or bad – before we started talking about what an idiot Dino had been.  Very early on, he had told me he deals with ambiguity in his professional life daily; he didn’t want it for us. 

“Dino, it’s taken both of us a long time to get to the point of telling each other routinely what we need, and I’m not sure we’re good at it yet.  I feel so sorry for Terry sometimes having to listen to me wade through my ramblings trying to define what it is that’s bothering me, but he hangs in there with me until I get it out.  I think asking for what we want is a few years in the future.  We’re lucky that we’re so much alike at the core; God knows, we have a hard enough time negotiating the little crap. 

“It’s not up to me to forgive you.  If Ellie has, it tickles me pink.  Just understand that it’s going to take me a while to get my head wrapped around what you did, so cut me some slack.”  I heard the scrape of a key in the front door lock.

“Will I ever get back to being your shining knight?”  His voice was so plaintive; I felt guilty of having to disabuse him of that notion.

“You never were.”  I patted his head as I scrambled over the sofa.  “You’ve been my leprechaun on speed.  I only have enough room in my life for one Lancelot, and he’s home.”

Terry’s smile as he walked through the door told me he’d heard my last statement to Dino and likes being my knight.             

DINO

It was Ellie’s weekend to be in Dallas, and we were getting dressed to go to dinner.  I’d taken both Tio and Max’s advice and made reservations at Old Warsaw.  I hadn’t asked the waiter to put the ring in the champagne.  I planned on her wearing the sucker to the restaurant.  I was in the living room, pacing the floor and patting my pants pocket to be sure the ring box was still there when Ellie walked in from the bedroom.  She looked beautiful; she always looks beautiful to me.

“Are you ready?  You look like you have ants in your pants.”

“I do.  Baby, sit for a minute, I need to ask you something.”  This little furrow appeared on her forehead as she sat on the edge of the couch.

“Are you okay, Dino?”

“Not at the moment, but I hope to be fine in about three minutes.”  I went down on one knee and dug in my pocket, pulling out the ring box and opened it, holding it out to her.

“Ellen Marie Hughes, I have no right to ask you, but I love you.  Will you marry me?”  Her eyes got big as saucers, and her mouth fell open.  I took the ring out of the box and slipped it on to her finger.  It fit perfectly, and when I looked back at her she had tears in her eyes.  Her voice was a whisper.

“Oh, yes, Dino, I’ll marry you!”

This Concludes ‘Be My Lover’

NOTES

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